Thursday, December 06, 2007

Sometimes We Win. Sometimes We Lose But Hopelessness Is Not An Option.

Have you ever felt sorry for yourself because you thought life was being unfair to you? if yes, join the club. You are not alone. However, be warned, don't stay in this club for too long because I just changed my mind. I am checking out and I mean right now. Why not come with me?

I work in an industry where, for every yes, you will most likely have received 10 NO's. Oh yes, that's journalism for you baby. Its unfair, its not nice but that's just life.

I have had one of those weeks, you know, where you try to do all you know to do in order to get ahead and today, I was this close to throwing in the towel and then I remembered it isn't so bad afterall. The truth is, I'm not the only one feeling despondent today.

There are others in the same boat. While I don't know if they decided to pack it in, I refuse to let one person's rejection of my idea keep me down. That's right, he rejected my idea not me. I am still here. Hence, I can go on and repackage that same idea because there is a million possibilities that someone out there will love it.

That's how we should see life. When people reject our ideas, even reject us. Its okay, their loss not ours. I say take that time to learn and regroup. Sometimes, departure is necessary for discovery.

So the editor I pitched to tells me the idea hasn't got an angle that is distinctive enough. Well, I am distinctive and unique, so, I'll go ahead and find an angle that is distinctive for another editor right? What he sid hurts but it could have been worse and he was nice. He was fair. I couldn't have asked for more.

Right now, I have two other options to explore and that's why I'm up this late to see what can become of this idea.

Malorie Blackman had 82 rejection letters before a publisher took her on and today she has over 50 books to her name. So, who am I to give up if she kept going?

I am all that and much more, so I refuse to give up.

That is the key to success, never giving up and staying relentless in the game of life.

Just like the image above, there is so much more to look up to. Stop bowing your head and start looking up.


Image: Google Images

Wednesday, December 05, 2007

How far Is Too far?

No news is good news but there comes a time when one has to question the sanity of the society we live in. I picked up the newspaper this morning and the first thing that caught my attention was the fact that our government is making proposals for abortions to be carried out by GPs.

I admit, I felt sick and angry. Angry because our babies are having babies and now we want to make it easier for them to go out, get laid and get rid of it. Don't get me wrong, there are those who say they do it for legitimate reasons and I am not here to question right or worng. That's not to say I sanction abortion. I am dead against it. However, there are cases where individuals felt they had no choice. I am not heartless to the extent where I won't understand when a woman who has been raped by a stranger says she can't stand to keep a baby conceived in the most terrifying hours of her life. It certainly isn't my place to judge.

But there comes a time when we have to draw the line somewhere. It was okay when it was legalised, we thought it would end there. Just how far are we going to go before we realise we are making laws and allowing things that are not helpful but rather harmful. Making it so easy means there are lives at risk, what happens when things go wrong? There are doctors accordinbg to the news stories in the papers today, who are concerned about this.

Is this what we elected this government for? To take us from bad to worse. Forgive me once again because I'm from the old school of life and I will not apologise for it. We make it easy for our children to get guns and knives, and what did we end up with, a spree of knife and gun crimes. When we decided certain drugs were no longer Class A drugs, we made more junkies out of our citizens.

These laws are introduced to make things better but I for one, am yet to see any changes. Is it me or is there anyone else out there, who thinks its time to get back to the basics of what makes us a society? Doing what is right, so our future generations can emulate the trend. Right now we are perpetuating a generational genocide in the name of a free society but are we really free or have we become slaves to the liberation we claim to have?

It isn't until people kill each other for the sake of superiority over each other that we have a genocide in our hands. It starts with the daily decisions we are making as a nation that is gradually leading us down the path of what will claim lives if care is not taken.

There are different stages of abrotion and when a doctor is allowed to carry out one but when its now okay to walk into your local GP surgery and get one, then something has definitely gone wrong somewhere. It is even worse when you realise that the highest rate of abortion carried out in 2005 was among 19 year olds. That ought to make the heart of any mother bleed because they most likely had no say in the decision making process. Yes, a 19 year old is an adult but your baby will always be your baby and no matter how much you let go, you still want to protect them. Does a 19yr old woman fully understand the impact of her actions, the possibility of the guilt and shame and not to mention, the emptiness and loneliness she will feel afterwards?

This madness has got to stop. A free society is great but when that same free society becomes a slave of freedom, then we have a major problem.

Image: Google Images

Thursday, October 18, 2007

Haters! Liars! Thieves and Cheats.

May I be excused for a second. You see, I have always wondered what it felt like when people said things about you that hurt like hell. I mean they are telling lies and fibs about you. What makes it worse is when they don't even know you.

I deem such people to be haters and liars. They don't contribute anything to society but 'palava.' They are so hateful, it hurts when you watch them destroy themselves because I refuse to let such ignorant people strip me of my destiny. You see, I have a purpose and a vision, and I have goals in place to make them happen. Hence, I don't have the time to sit with haters who are going nowhere and talk about what didn't happen.

It is baffling when you hear people say things that are untrue. Makes you wonder if you are so special, they have nothing better to do with their time than talk about you, your hair do and the fact that you are living and loving life.

Get a life is my advice to such people.

If you are a lady reading this, I know we feel the pain more when people say things that are not true. However, you must learn to rise above the pain and say to yourself, "I'm all that and much more for people to drop everything they are doing and waste their precious time dissecting my life."

My mum puts it like this, "When people talk about you, you must be doing something right. You must be up to something they can't do." Wipe your tears ladies, don't let any joka derail you from your vision.

What surprises me is when a man talks about you. I thought men didn't gossip or am I being naive. Then again, worst things have happened. What's with some joka who thinks he is JaRule's brother, looking like Coolio and Snoop Dog in the dreads and some fake Rocawear on his backside telling the world he knows you when you can barely make out his name because you have no dea who he is?

Forgive my arrogance but such people don't do anything for me. If you think you have got to model yourself on some rapper, then you have no idea who you are. If you believe being a photocopy is the best you can do, by all means, you are welcome to do so but don't bring it down my end. What have we turned into? When did we forget about manners and think its okay to speak to people like they don't matter.

I don't know about you but I matter a lot and if you can't stand the sight of me, please be my guest, look away or get a knife and take your eyes out. That's mean, I know but I don't care. Remember, telling it like it is, no apology necessary!

RESPECT. Don't we know the meaning of that word anymore? Why have we become so disrespectful just because we live in a society where everything and anything goes. Forgetting that we are a people of cultures and traditions. Excuse me, I don't mean to be culturally minded or traditionally conditioned because that's boxing yourself up with a myopic point of view but what's wrong with giving honour to whom it is due.

We are raising boys not men, girls not ladies and when they do wrong, we turn a blind eye. No wonder they end up being players and haters.

Its time this madness stops and we go back to basics and raise our girls to be women and our boys men. Men of standard and women of substance, who together make an impact in society.

Its time to stop being a hater player and start respecting others. Treat everyone equally, like you wish others treat you.


Image: Google Images

Tuesday, September 25, 2007

So, You Want A Man?

You know what? I don't care what anyone thinks or says after they read this. If you noticed above this blog page, the header reads, 'Just Telling It Like It Is. No Apology Necessary!' If you have an issue with it, no apologies from me. Blame Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo. It is not my fault they wrote the book, 'He's Just Not That Into You: The No-Excuses Truth To Understanding Guys.' I mean they are so fr**king right, it hurts to admit that as women, we have made some if not all of the mistakes they outline in the book. I am not embarassed to tell you that I have read this book and they are on Point!!! That's right, they got the gist on us ladies.

Why do we keep making excuses for a man when we know deep down he is not feeling us and that whatever we think is going on, is all in our head? Come on, tell the truth. You know you have done it. I have and it is part of life. It happens. There is no need to be ashamed about it. Embrace your feelings, deal with your desires and learn to control your proclivities, and then move on. Easy to say, hard to accomplish but hell you can do it.

When did we forget about letting the man be a lion and hunt us down. Truth be told, if a man really wants you, nothing is going to get in his way. That is the God honest truth. So, if you think you are the precious sun in his cloud, get over it. Think about it, 6 months, a whole year comes and goes, and he keeps telling you he is busy. Get the message, cut yourself some dignity and move on. I mean shut the door. Better still, slam it, that's right, a slam dunk and move on.

Don't go looking for excuses to call him so you can hear his coarse voice. What's wrong with a brotha calling a sista if he is really feeling her right?

If you are better than me in some cases and can maintain a friendship, go ahead but do not expect anything. Get your focus right and get busy. What are your passions? Start living for them. The right man for you will find you doing your thing. Get your groove back ladies.

Please for anyone out there, who is defending the friendship syndrome, I am not saying it is impossible but let's keep it real here. That is pure unadulterated bullsh*t. I am not a defender of the feminist movement and I have never counted myself to be one. However, one must tell the truth for what it is. Get over it and get a life.

I sympathise that it hurts to really like someone and they are not feeling you but that's life. It can be and is sometimes a b**ch. We all have to deal with it. If you learn this truth that your immediate needs are your wants and your needs will be met at the right time. You will be okay in the long-run. Stop going about town, telling everyone you need a man. We all do, well if you are straight that is. Don't get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with meeting the right person for you but you have got to celebrate yourself before he comes along or you are going to suffocate him. Enjoy the ride. Being a singleton might be a bus stop right now but the right man who will fufill and satisfy you on all sides is round the corner. If you like being touched like I do, even better. Bring it on baby!!!!

It is okay to have those moments when you don't want to go out with your girlfriends and want a man you can lean on. Don't deny what you feel but don't let it control you either. If not, you will find yourself settling for better than nothing and sooner than later, start wondering what went wrong?

Let me put it like this; it is a case whereby you really want a full course meal but because the local chip shop is closer, you settle for fish and chips. When you could have gone all to the to a five star restaurant, enjoyed the food and go one better, the atmosphere.

I'll say no more.


Image from Amazon Books

Underground Manners

A funny thing happened the other day. I was on my way to Waterloo Station and decided the quickest way to get there was via London Liverpool Street Sation, then get the Central Line to Bank Station and from there, get the Bakerloo line, which goes directly to Waterloo Station. All of this of course was happening underground; London Underground, one of the oldest tube networks in the world. Okay enough of the travel log.

While evenings tend to be rush hour as everyone makes their way home. You are never an ear short of something comical or experiencng a comdey show down below. Today was no different. Under the City of London, there is life to be discovered. It is a sight to behold and the one liners that come your way, stay with you for a very long time.

Well, on this occassion, it was the train driver. Fair to say it is bl**dy hot down under and when the heat gets to you, you are not responsible for your actions or the words you utter. What a lame excuse? There is no reason to be rude because you are having a bad day. However, it does happen and such is life.

As usual, you will get the announcement over the intercom saying, "Doors closing, do not obstruct the doors." Unfortunately, someone may have done so unknowingly. Needless to say the train driver comes banging on the intercom and I mean his bodacious rant was rather animated in delivery. It got me thinking; when did we fall short of our ability to be civil on the job? His words were, "What part of do not obstruct the doors don't you understand?" At first, I could not help but think to myself, is he asking a polite question or is he just being rude and feels he has the right to speak to London Underground passengers the way that pleases him? It is either he has another job lined up or he is just naturally bold with no reserve or remorse whatsoever?

I must add, his little tirade got a few chuckles from passengers and hilarious that it was taken so well. If I had any premonition that I was going to hear his choice of words that evening; I would have taken a tape recorder along and recorded it for archive purpose.

While his words were rude and uncalled for in my opinion, it was also funny to dissect his question. Truly speaking, what part of 'Do not obstruct the doors' don't people understand? Is it (A) 'Do not' or (B)'Obstruct the doors?' Same way you would ask an indivividaul; 'What part of No don't you understand?' Is it the 'N' or the 'O?'

I guess that's life on the underground for you. Never a dull moment!!!

If you want more interesting stories about life down below London, visit:

London Underground Map from Google Images

Thursday, September 13, 2007

Financial Journal

I want this, I want that, I want it all. Isn't that the mentality we end up having after having everything our way. Keeping up with our friends, always looking all styled and profiled. Getting the compliments and being the centre of attention. Ouch!!! That hurts, doesn't it? It hurts to admit the truth and even more painful when you are paying the bills. Knowing fully, you didn't need the jacket or those shoes but you went ahead and purchased them.

I am not here to condemn you, truth be told, I am warning myself and learning my lessons like you. There is no need for the regret table to be drawn out and we rehearse the decisions we took, knowing we didn't need to go down that route. However, it is time to reposition ourselves, change our paradigm and do things differently. I know I want to. What about you?

Funny how it all starts, its only a bag we say to ourselves. I am sure I can make-up the difference. We use the bag and after a while we see something else we need. When did we get to the place where our wants and needs got mixed up, and we messed up the budget we started working on, at the beginning of the year? How about those New Year resolutions we made to ourselves? When did we forget the promises we made about our vision, purpose and goals for the future? This is where I ask, what's your financial vision for today, tomnorrow and the next five to ten years?

You may be in that boat with a sinking feeling, you don't know what you own or have in the bank? You don't have a financial action plan and you want your finances back on track. I don't have the answers but I can tell you one or two things that might help you.

It starts with a conscious decision to do better financially. It isn't just about saving the money but invest as well. Look, we have all made the mistake but there is no need beating yourself up now. Its time to do something about it. The big '30' beckons for me and I'm asking myself about the future. I have questions about my finances and it hit me; the mistakes I have made but can't go back and change. I can only aim from now on to do better. It is never too late. Don't get me wrong, looking back, it hurts. I knew what I was doing. There is no need playing that card of 'oh, I didn't know.' Ignorance has no part in this. It was all me. I made those decsions, living for the moment and not thinking about the tomrrow I was entering into. It takes a lot to be so honest with myself but that's the first step to making things right.

What have I done so far? Every month, I have a budget and I keep track of my expenses. Some months I do better than others. However, I have no plans to stop, I am going to keep at it until I get it right. I have set my financial goals and I now keep a financial journal. I am also reading books that teach you how best to manage your finances and invest the little you have now because tomorrow, it will be a whole lot more.

My heart bleeds at my financial mistakes when I look back but crying about it won't change things. Its time for a financial make-over. It is never too late. Change your mind about those habits and start living in today because you want your financial freedom for tomorrow. Cut some cards, leave some at home when you are going out. Only take what you need. Draw up your shopping list and only buy what you need.

As for looking all styled and profiled, learn to recycle, that's what I am doing from now on. You don't like what I have on, please run along and fix your eyes on someone else. I look fab! bye!!!

I have been reading the books above this blog entry and I pray you find them useful. Invest in your mind and change your mind about your financial future in order to gain your freedom. Start keeping a financial journal, you will be amazed, the difference it makes when you know your financial habits and patterns.


Images from Amazon Books

AFRICCHIC - Proud To Be African

I have interviewed people and wrote features in the few years I have been journalist. I must say without a doubt; this is one subject I am so proud to be associated with. It was an experience I would sit through again and again. There are people you meet and you are forced to ask, why aren't we all so humble and unassuming? I wish I had the answer to that but I don't. Hence, I won't even try to give you my philosophical response. I would mess it up and fail woefully. Yes that's right, I am not afraid or ashamed to tell you that I don't have the answer. You figure it out and let me know.

Moving on, Runway Africa is the brainchild of Clarissa Abban, a Ghanian-American and her vision is to see Africa celebrated for all its beauty. I say why the hell not? Finally, its not about the images of war or starvation, Africa is rich with raw materials and great wealth that is yet to be discovered. I know the West is rich and thriving but I'll let you in on a secret; the wealthiest place on earth is not Europe or the Americas. It is right in Africa, there is natural resources, down beneath the earth, yet to be discovred and I will take that to the World Bank any time, any day and it wil stick. Oh hell yes! I said it. I refuse to apologise for saying so. Check!

The first face for Runway Africa is Angela Asare, you will recognise her as the Ghanian contestant in the 2006 Miss Universe pageant. She won the Miss Congeniality award. She is truly all things African and the reason she got involved; to celebrate Africa for its beauty and not its failures. Finally, we are beginning to realise we have a lot to offer to the world. It has always been there but for a long time, we were waiting for hand-outs. I say its time to fend for ourselves and raise our own profile and stop waiting for the different NGO's to do the job for us. Oh yes, I'm on a roll and like I said, no apology necessary.

Runway Africa is about celebrating African Arts and fashion. It is about 'AfriChic'. The new Afro-eccentric. Here is a new one, 'Afropolitan' just like you have Cosmopolitan, I'm proud to say that I am Afropolitan.

I could go on and on about Runway Africa and the fact that Clarissa is only 22yrs old, yet she has a vision so big, I see it becoming a landmark event. I could tell you about the designers showcasing their work but that will be taking the fun of discovery away from you. I would prefer you see it for yourself.

Image: Courtesy of Runway Africa

To find out more, visit:

Wednesday, September 12, 2007

Well Worth It

I have read books by African Writers and felt proud to be African. When I read 'Half Of A Yellow Sun, I can bodly say, I'm proud to be African and a Nigerian.

She derseved the Orange Prize. To cut this long story of 433 pages short, I learnt more about the Nigerian Civil War from this book than I did at school as youngster. I know, not so good but get over it. That'w why we read books right?

I don't need to write any more to tell you about this book, the characters, tell you the story. Get yourself a copy and read. Selah!

Image from Amazon Books

Hell! You Can Do It!

I have often wondered when you get to that point where you can say to yourself, well done!!! You got that right. Now keep walking, don’t stop. When do you get to that place in life, where you know without a doubt that you have arrived at your destination? Success beckons and you are certain this is it. No going back.

I don’t think we ever get to that place where you can fully say I have done all that I was born to do. There is always something to do. You might be elated about one achievement but before you know it, something else comes along that needs your attention.

I am a firm believer in positive thinking. Honestly, why occupy your mind with idle and meaningless thoughts when you can get creative and become a genius?

Look around you, what are people doing? Who do you aspire to become in the bear future? Why not find out what they are up to and get going? Study their habits and the patterns of their life, their success and failures? You will be amazed the number of times they gave it their all before they hit the ‘Big Time.’

I don’t know what your dream is but I know what mine is all about. I dream big and sometimes that gets me into trouble but hell, I refuse to die a photocopy of the society I have found myself in. I am original, created for this time and I am prefect for my assignment. If you go back to my previous entries, there is one titled ‘Dream Like A Fool,’ where I share my passion for writing stage plays. I am on it, doing my research, one day at a time. For me, it is a long term project. So, I am on track though there are days when I don’t think so. However, when I look back on my achievements, I am more than grateful to be here because not once did I think I would ever get the opportunity to do all that I am doing. I am willing to do the work, pay the price, so I can obtain the prize.

There is where I ask, what are you doing? How far have you come with your dream? Are you still in the land of tomorrow and then tomorrow gets here and before you know it, it is gone and, becomes yesterday? Take it from those who have gone ahead of us. Having a dream is the land of the unknown, it is no man’s land but when you discover the known in that unknown, you have mastered it and guess what another unknown is on the way to be discovered.

Hey, I am no expert, just an African Girl, who dreams big, wild at heart and I’m all things African but I’ll tell you what, I refuse to die as a counterfeit and hell no! I am not giving up. I just started because there is still so much to do.

Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie is doing it, Chinua Achebe is still achieving in his old age, what’s stopping you and I from winning those coveted prizes we only hear about?

Wake up, smell the coffee and refuse to go back to the soil with every dream you carry. Stop putting that task off. Get going, start working that dream.

Hell No! I forbid you to die without a legacy.

Image from Google Images

Sunday, July 22, 2007

How Long Is Too Long?

Where do I start from? Quite a little while. Well, well, well. Quite a while indeed. Truth be told, I have just been real busy but I never forgot about this blopage. It was a pain not being able to update regularly but I'm back now.

Back to stay and back in business. Don't turn the page. I'll be right back.

Thursday, May 10, 2007

What's Your Apology Language?

Ever heard that saying about no two people being the same? Well, I always knew that at the back of my mind but the practice of it, that's a different ball game. Hence, it isn't surprising to find out that we all have our own apology language and it is different from one person to the other.

This lady just messed up and if it was with a female friend, it would have been okay. I mean I could have gone on and on, tell her off, maybe not speak to each other for a few days and we both get over it. We would have called each other to ask, are you still mad at me and then move on. However, what do you do when that isn't the case? What do you do when you have messed up with a male friend and you let it drag on? Needless to say, he apologised for what did, you said it was okay. Yet you felt like you couldn't quite forget what happened. Talk about forgivin' ain't forgettin'. As a woman, while you don't make your feelings and you experience them, there comes a point when you say to those same feelings, I own you and I'll manage you not you managing me.

If I knew all of this, why did it take being on the brink of losing a friend to realise he meant it when he apologised? I would really like to make excuses but I can't find one that is good enough. However, I'm glad I came to my senses and decided to sort it all out. I believe in learning everyday and this was my opportunity to learn about our apology language. It varies from one person to the other. We all have our different ways of expressing our regrets. I didn't know that then but now that I do, I pray I don't make this mistake again.

It doesn't matter what he did, does. The bottom line is, he apologised. It was down to me to deal with it and let go. The lights came on with the last look he gave me a little while back and I knew ooops! Girl, you just messed up. So I thought about the best way to make things right, I knew an apology would be a start but I didn't know how. So I got myself a book and it was like a light bulb came on and my perspective changed. "The Five Languages of Apology - How To Experience Healing In All Your Relationships," by Gary Chapman and Jennifer Thomas, did for me this week what nothing else has done for me in a long time.

It explains the different roles of an apology in our various relationships, how to make and accept an apology and give forgiveness. Now that is a choice you make for yourself. It may take time to regain trust and let go of the disappointment but that all depends on the level of offence you felt was levelled at you. However, it really helps to let go because it makes you sick and miserable when you don't. There is no need putting up a front either because you know you are miserable and misery sure loves its own company.

I am not one for plugging books that mean nothing to me but I believe this book is now one of my favourite because I have learnt so much in one week than I have in years about what an apology means in a relationship. It doesn't matter if the offender or the offended is a friend, a spouse, sister or brother. This book deals with every aspect of an apology in a relationship, even in the workplace. It doesn't matter anymore who was right or wrong. What matters is that we move on and remain friends. I guess a little tiff isn't so bad at the end of the day.

Wow! That wasn't so bad after all.


Image from Amazon Books

Saturday, April 28, 2007

Been There. Done That. Got A T-Shirt To Prove It

The first time I bought Essence magazine,I remember thinking, not bad. Not bad at all but with each month, they step up the game. Now, I buy it religiously and look forward to each edition because there is always something in there for me. From the personal stories that lift you up to the tips and advice on how to buy a home or deal with that work situation. Fair to say there are things I don't agree with but on the whole, they do a pretty good job. They don't try to be black America, they are BLACK AMERICA. Susan Taylor knows the right words to make your eye all teary. Angela Burt-Murray is a beauty with her words.

I could go on and on about the different sections but what stands out for me are the features. From the rape crisis in the Congo to the issue of Aids that is ravaging black America. They tell it like it is. I appreciate the honesty and even when readers don't agree with them, they publish the letters no matter what the reader is ranting on about.

Running a magazine is cut throat but their house is in order; some good house keeping skills I must say. I could go on and on but they have done it again with this month's issue, "The Bold & Beautiful" edition. The little I have read of it, I can say there is power in forgiveness. If you didn't think it was okay to forgive those that hurt you, please bear in mind that we all have something to learn from Kai Leigh Harriot.

There is power in forgivesness. She may be confined to a wheel chair but she has the power to command the respect of those around her at such a tender age.

I'll say no more except when you get angry at some people, think of Kai and what she stands for. Maybe you too will find it in you to forgive that man or woman who betrayed your trust.

Image from

Tuesday, April 17, 2007

Stop Killing Us.

The war in Iraq is not the only place America is losing its children. Monday was a stark reminder of the Columbine massacre, the worst incident of its kind. Yet, a few are still touting that a ban on guns won't solve the problem. You would think by now, someone would have woken up and smelt the coffee. Oh, hell no! 33 people are dead and this isn't the first time this has happened. What else is needed to convince a nation that it's time for a change? No matter the message of condolences sent and apologies made, you cannot bring back 33 people and fill the void their death has caused. They all had families who loved and cherished them and you cannot replace that.

Emily Hilscher and Erin Peterson were both 18, Caitlin Hammaren and Mary Karen Read, 19. Erin's father said, "My baby didn’t make it." How do you erase such deep seated pain in the heart of a parent?

Ryan Clark, 22, and studying for a triple major in Biology, English and Psychology; how do you begin to tell his parents that they will never see their beloved son again? His future has been buried and he had no say in it. He was denied the chance to make a decision about his own future.

Bottom line is they all had a future to look forward to. While it remains unclear what motivated the attack on students and lecturers; isn't it time someone locked up those guns? When are we going to stop producing tragedies with our hands? When are we going to stop making weapons to kill each other with?

There are questions to be answered but how about the biggest of all; it was promised after Columbine that this would not happen on American soil again. Yet it is happening everyday on the streets. Where is that promise or were they just words passing through thin air?

There will be verbose reports giving account of what happened but no piece of paper is going to solve this nightmare created to destroy more lives. Get rid of the guns. You may not be able to get all of them today but you can at least try and save one future? What else is there to say but to stop killing our babies, our sons, our daughters, our mothers and our fathers. Stop Making the guns and stop killing us.

How many more tragedies need to be turned into a documentary or film before it sinks in that there is a new epidemic in the land? Get rid of the guns and stop killing us.

Soul searching but at whose expense

Stop Killing Us.

Image: Google Images

Monday, April 16, 2007

Giving Your All For Nothing

So, you want to become a Journalist? Then get ready to work for nothing or peanuts before you make it big. Let's tell it like it is, have a backup plan for your life. Journalism was never my first choice of career. Whenever anyone asked me what I wanted to do with myself, I was fast to let them know; "I want to be a lawyer." Well, I am in a poetic justice kinda way. My words make up for the big gown, wig and courtroom. I changed my mind when I realised that I don't have the guts to stomach the type of crimes I read about and the fact that people got away with things that were just baffling.

Now I am a journalist, am I in love with it. Oh, hell yes! You have to love what you do or don't do it at all. That's why when you get those moments when you feel like it isn't worth it, you overlook them and just keep the fire burning or those moments will burn you out.

Sometimes you excel the most in an area you stumbled into. I stumbled into journalism and not for a second do I regret it. It is hard work, a whole lot of late night and sometimes you have to give your all for nothing. That's when it gets hard. I am having one of those moments right now, where I am thinking to myself, why didn't you just go for a career where you have a 9 to 5 job and you don't have to kill yourself for this. But you know something, today is all it is. Tomorrow will be better. It may not look like it but I have a dream. Dr King wasn't the only one with a dream. I have no plans to let go or bury it. It is mine and I am going to make it work no matter what.

This is the tricky part. When it comes to journalism and in order to get to that place you envision for yourself; you sometimes have to give your all for nothing. There are times when it feels like you are playing but I tell you 2am at night over words is no joke. Then you get those moments when you say to yourself and all this for nothing. That can be real hard but as the adage goes, what doesn't kill you only makes you stronger.

It might not look like a whole lot right now but if you keep going, it will become much. That's what I say to myself when I am having a moment like I'm having right now. I am a little angry and if you don't mind, really p***ed off. Then again, that will change in a few hours when the task is out of the way and it becomes an achievement.

No matter what, just keep on walking because the plus outweighs the minuses. I could go on about all that I have gained but I'll stop here and keep giving life my all.

Just keep walking. Your destination is closer than you think.

Tuesday, April 03, 2007

One Day At A Time

Life has a way of making you sit up and think about yourself. It gives you everything but owes you nothing. At the beginning of the year, I set some goals for myself; fair to say I'm on them and making each goal happen one at a time.

However, I have also learnt that I am not 'Superwoman' and can't take on every task that comes my way. A little while back, I blogged on my ability to say 'No'. I have been practising that a lot lately. Saying no, not very nice and sometimes I still feel funny about it but I must say that I don't feel guilty anymore. Now when I say no, it's like a truck load of stress just dissolved.

I've also learnt to say no to myself. Deny myself of certain luxuries and get the things I really need. That is a good financial move because your dreams don't happen just talking about it. You must be willing to pay for it and it cost more than money. It cost your time and energy too.

So, here we are, April 2007. Do I think I am better off than I was a year ago? Oh, hell yes. You may be wondering how? Well let's say, I am now bold enough to speak my mind and not keep quite because I want to keep the peace. I'll leave that to the UN and their peace keeping force in every corner of the world.

I'm focused on what I want to get done and taking action steps to get there. Working on my first stage play and guess what, I have an artistic director helping me out and showing me the ropes.

Oh, how I could go on and on about myself but that is not what this blogpage is about. I have met people recently who are making their dreams happen and it makes me happy when someone challenges me and helps me realise there is more to be learnt. A theatre company by the name of Faith Drama Productions is coming your way, watch out because they just tell it like it is and we sure need more of that.
check them out at:

I'm plugging it because I know it's going to be bad to the bone. Don't say no one told you about them.

Making friends abroad. You know what they say, someone you know knows someone you need. I'll leave things on that note and tell you more as this cross atlantic friendship develops. One thing is fair, we have journalism in common. What is that adage about contacts. It's all about who you know right?

Friday, March 23, 2007

Who And What The Hell Are We?

When you go to the cinema, sometimes you go to have fun with your friends and just take some time out for you. However, when I saw The Last King Of Scotland and Blood Diamond, I asked myself, who and what the hell are we?

Blood Diamond makes you wonder about the killing fields we create with our own hands. Give a man a weapon he can use and he will show you how creative he can get with it. People's hands being chopped off, I can stomach a lot of things but that was too much to handle. We have an estimated 200,000 child soldiers in the continent of Africa. I used 'We' because we all promised after Rwanda that 'Never Again' and this is one of such promises. Let our babies be just that, babies and our sons and daugthers the children that they are; promises for the future. Then again, maybe that is just a dream or should I call it wishful thinking?

I could go on and on but it won't make much difference. I would love to write about how I enjoyed sitting back to watch reality unfold in pictures but that would defeat the purpose these movies were made. Yes somebody got richer by making them. The question I would like to ask is who went home empty handed and how long will the continent of Africa supply us with horror stories that we turn into Hollywood blockbusters?

Feel free to draw your own conclusions on that.
Children Should Not Be Used in Armed Conflict by Mustapha Sesay, iEARN-Sierra Leone
Film images from various sources
Child Soldier Image from

Whose Propaganda?

When people queue outside in the rain in order to get their hands on some clothing item designed by a celebrity, makes you question what we live for in this day and age. Better still, what would make a person stand out in the cold, please don't forget it is still freezing cold? I am not against anyone wearing the latest trends. I sometimes think of myself as a little fashionista. No I don't work in the fashion industry; I just happen to know what looks good on me. That's right, I am that confident about it.

Now, let's get real. I am not calling any names but by now you get what I am talking about and come May another celebrity will be dropping her long awaited clothing line. Say no more. I can't get it round why people queue up for the sales and new clothing line. I'm sure they work. Did they take time off work for this special occasion? On the other hand, we are spending more money than we earn. Don't quote me on that, it's all over the news. Hence, you can't blame a girl like me for asking if some of these people are out there for the sake of looking the part when they are with friends or they go out.

Rest assured, I am not condemning anyone and we have all done it, a spot of emotional shopping but come on now, its time to wise up. Whose propaganda is this whole thing about the latest fashion trends? Does that mean you get rid of what was in vogue last summer to get this summers's must have?

I have no answers to these questions and I'm trying to figure it out myself. However, I have learnt my lessons from my days of wanting to be the Queen B when I walked into the room. It's not worth looking all styled and profiled with your account in the red.

I better stop now before I get a whole lot of people vexed and upset.

My question is still the same, whose propaganda is it and why are we empowering them to keep changing our wardrobe?

Wednesday, March 14, 2007

Growing Pains

Life is in seasons, autumn, winter, spring, and summer. The trick is to recognise the season you are in. If you don't then you might just get into a whole lot of trouble because you could easily miss the season of life you are in and the opportunity to grow. Spring is when the flower in your garden begins to blossom. Same way, when you are in the spring of life, you begin to blossom as an individual, your beauty radiates and you don't have to tell no one what is going on with you. They will see for themselves.

When summer comes, they will all see your light shine because in summer, you reap what you sow. Count it wise to sow dream-seeds before summer. They will stand you in good stead for the future. I could go on and on about seasons but there is that one season most of us aren't so crazy about; When it is so cold and you wish you were far away in some sunny city. Same way, life can throw you into the deep end of winter and while it isn't glamorous, it is important you recognise this is your time to be purged, pruned and distilled. That's right, get rid of some stuff you don't need. You know what I’m talking about, that guy you are dating, who keeps telling you he is going to change but you know he will never change because he has an excuse for everything he does.

This is the time of life when you get to discover who your friends are; it is in winter you know what you are all about and how much your heart can take before you get to the breaking point. I am not an expert on the business of living but I'll tell you this right now. Winter is no fun baby. That's right. It isn’t but if you just hang in there for one more minute, you might just surprise yourself.

This is the time of life when you get to discover who your friends are; it is in winter you know what you are all about and how much your heart can take before you get to the breaking point. I am not an expert on the business of living but I'll tell you this right now. Winter is no fun baby. That's right. It isn’t but if you just hang in there for one more minute, you might just surprise yourself.

Enough about seasons already, let’s talk about growing up. I had you going didn’t I? Come on now, stay with me, taking you somewhere. So what’s the 411?
Lately, I have been doing a lot of gowing up. That’s right and it hurts. I’ve learnt it is my rites of adulthood. I went through the rites of passage as a teenager but now I am an adult and it’s time to grow up. Lately, I have learnt so much about myself, it hurts to admit that there are habits and patterns ingrained deep in my conscious and subconscious mind. The thought of it is scary and it pains my heart that it took so long to realise all of this. However, I also have to tell it like it is and let you know that it is exciting to come to a place where you can finally say this is who I am. I like this about me and I don’t like this about me. It gives you the chance to change things and come to that place of actualisation.

The place where you say to yourself, I am free to be me because I have all that I need within me to make life work. Then you start doing things that take you one step further to the place you envision for yourself. Now you know you have always wanted to buy a house but this whole time, you have been busy living it up, getting the latest trends of clothing and shoes, well sweetheart, cut the cards up, pay the debts off and start paying yourself first. Get your finances in order.

Then there is the part of you that longs for some loving, yes that’s right, don’t get phony with me now and if your face dropped right there, pick it up and put it back on. Come on, tell the truth. You are entitled to it if that’s what you want. Don’t be embarrassed about that. It is perfectly normal. However, keep your emotions in check or they will mess you up. Speaking from experience and it’s all part of growing pains. One of the most important relationships you can ever have is the one with yourself. Spend some quality time on you and get to know yourself. No one else will do that for you. Trust me, I am telling you the truth right there.

I am no agony aunt neither am I qualified to tell you about life. I haven’t lived that long. I am just this 19yr old who loves life. If you believe I am 19, then you will believe anything in the world. This is the crux of it all, growing pains is about realising that we can’t go back and change our past and the decisions we made or actions we took. However, we can go into our future with a positive affirmation of who we are.

It is about taking a mental picture of your now and putting measures in place to move beyond it and into your tomorrow. Move past the regrets of your mistakes, the shoulda, woulda, coulda and start stepping up.

And so it is, your heart is healed not will be healed.
Your mind is creative not will be creative.
Your soul is joyous not will be joyous and your spirit is free not will be free.

Growing pains, it won’t kill you.

Friday, February 16, 2007

Learning To Say NO

Growing up was great but there will always be buts. I grew up in a culture where you don't necessarily have a voice as a youngster. If you say no, you get in trouble. It is an act of disrespect. What a great way to develop your people skills. It comes down to the way you communicate what you want to say. Hence be nice and smile while you are at it. No Hard feelings.

You see I have always had a big mouth and I count it a blessing because there is a reason why I have a big mouth. When I say I have a big mouth it isn't because I love to chitchat though I enjoy the occasional one or two. Come on I'm a lady, I was designed to do such things. No, I take pleasure in saying things that lift people up. It makes my day when someone smiles because I said something encouraging. Hence, when I realised I had a big mouth; I trained myself to say the right things. Don't get me wrong. There are times when I mess up real bad and I have to swallow my pride and apologise but hey, life is a steep learning curve. We have no choice but to go through it.

Back to saying no; I went to a boarding school and it was ruled with iron hand. Those above you in class were dictators and it felt more like a military boot camp with an authoritarian or should I call it a totalitarian type of government. Hell, there were days I hated being at school. My big mouth always got me into trouble because I hate when people mistreat others and I just have to speak up. That got me into a whole lot of trouble and after a while, I discovered I was now conditioned to saying yes to everyone. Why?

I said yes because I wanted those in the senior class to like me and not hate or pick on me. It worked for a while but as always, they were their usual hating self. If you'll allow me to be honest, some of them were really b**chy. No she didn't. Yes I did. Swallow and stay with me. I couldn't stand them but in order to avoid everyone picking on me, saying yes was my way out.

Without realising, saying no soon turned into a thing where I was the one hurting the other person and that has been my life up until now. It is sad to admit an adult like myself did not know how to say no but you see many of us fall into that trap without knowing it. We think we are so nice and everyone likes us. That is a lie and we both know it. Everybody cannot like you no matter how nice you think you are. I'm not bitter just being honest. I told you I had a big mouth didn't I? Stay with me now. Don't you dare stop reading. Come on read on. That's it. Well done.

Before you know it, you become this little hater, resenting everyone because you think they are holding you back. Well guess what no one but you is holding you back. You have the right to say no. That is why you have a will. No one can make you do what you don't want to do. If you want to contest that, I understand but we live in a society where free will is of the norm. Well so they say. Hence, you have no excuse to say otherwise. I have said no to a few people recently and boy It felt good. You need to try it.

What have I learnt, that I am not superwoman and I can't do it all. It was great to finally tell myself that I am the most important person in my life; not because I am being self centred but there are times when I need to be selfish in order to maximise my time. It involves saying no to certain things and not feel guilty no matter how nice the offer is or how great you will look to everyone by saying yes.

So, let me ask you what do you need to say no to today? Is it to yourself and that habit you have carried about for years, praying no one finds out? It is time to cut the rope. The rope of fear, guilt, shame and the feeling that you are unworthy to say no. You can say no. It is yours to say. Go ahead; shout it on the roof top. NO. You see, it's easy. If I learnt to say no and I am still practising it, then I bet you can do it. It isn't always the easiest thing to do but someone has got to do it. Why not you?

It's easy. JUST SAY NO and while you are saying it, smile. Makes it less painful and you remain friends. Pleasant surprises waiting to be discovered when you learn to say no. Don't say no out of spite. Say no because you have things that need your attention. Saying no is about having a trajectory in life which means you focus on your highest priorities. You know when to take time out for you and no one else. You realise the value of who you are, the gifts and abilities you carry and finally, take the time to develop, nurture and cultivate them.

Just Say No.

Friday, January 19, 2007

So What I'm Different

It has been a few interesting days, from India to Britain. Goes to show the ocean may divide us physically but when it comes to one of your own, that's all it is. A physical divide and you can change all of that with your voice. Speak out. When the government of a nation speaks out about one of its citizens, then you are pretty special. The burning of effigies in protest to the treatment of Shilpa Shetty, the Bollywood star in Celebrity Big Brother and the 22,000 people that have called Ofcom to date, complaining about racism on the show. Yet CBB is still on our screens and we are glued to it. Thank goodness we don't pay TV license for Channel 4 because this will be one very good reason to scrap it.

Ignorance has been on earth for as long as I can remember; well for the few years I have been here that is. I don't think it can be eradicated and that is disturbing but then again, naivety is just as bad.

When you agree to sell your soul on reality TV in order to make grade D celebrity status, be classy about it. The least expected of you would be to do it gracefully. No disrespect intended just an observation.

So, here we are, embroiled in a race row, one or two people are beginning to feel the pain in their pockets. A contestant, no name calling just lost a lucrative modelling contract. Ouch! That hurts, sorry but next time think before you speak.

Racism, lets take a minute to define the word. Then again, there is no need for that. We all know the meaning don't we? Say no more. I don't think you can change people but you can change how they make you feel. Yes it hurts and it's real hard to deal with but you must learn to rise above it and refuse to be boxed up by their mentality.

When I experienced what is termed racism, it was in the most unusual circumstance and that is why to date, it remains an ironic experience. I remember ever so clearly. His words were, "Go back to your Africa and..................." I will say no more and guess what he was a doctor. A desensitised doctor, I wish I had him struck off but you know the beauty of that experience. I'm here and I still see him around in his cheap suit, no disrespect, just an observation and guess what I can laugh and say how do you like me now? One day real soon, I'll remind him and tell him I am not bitter. I am too blessed to be bitter and because of him, I am better off. My mind is educated enough to know he was just a little glitch on the part of life and he does not matter. Meanwhile I will continue writing my story on the pages of life. He is too small to turn me into a myopic b**ch. Sorry but that's the word that came to me and no I didn't have to use it but it describes what I am not. So swallow and stick with me on this.

This old age disease called racism will never go away. If it can get into politics; you don't mind if I ask, who is your local councillor? I'll say no more. It is ingrained deep in the veins of a minority but then again, we can't be so sure. Can we?

I have worked in a predominantly white environment before and yes that can be daunting because it can be hard due to the cultural differences and way of life but they treated me like a human being and with respect. If anything at all, I needed the culture shock to get me out of my comfort zone. When you have no respect for another life, you think it's okay to say whatever you like and that's one of the problems. Some people don't know what it means to have respect for another person regardless of race, colour and creed or where their crib is at. Hillary Clinton was right after all, 'It takes a village to raise a child.'

As far as I am concerned, yes I am black but that's not all there is to me. No matter how negative the energy around me gets, I refuse to give in and accept that I am not an equal. If you have one head, two hands, two legs, one heart, one liver and the same red blood flows through our veins. Then it doesn't matter what colour you are; as long as your blood is red, we are equal. We have been equipped with the same body features. You may be taller or shorter, let's just say the big man upstairs knew better on that one.

Monday, January 15, 2007

Dream Like A Fool!

"In a doubting world, dreamers believe. In a slow world, dreamers run." - Dr Bridget Hilliard.

Wow! Dream like a fool. What does that mean to me? It means having crazy dreams no one else believes in but me. It means having a dream that I am afraid to share with people because I don't want them to laugh at me or my dream. It means the audacity and the boldness of my hope and the confidence of the actions I take today in order to maximise the full potential of my tomorrow.

Its 2007, a brand new year, filled with 365 days, 52 weeks, 12 months, 4 weeks per month, 7 days in the week and 24hrs for each day. What are you going to do with yours? It has become a thing of the norm, to set New Year resolutions but no priorities. We have ideas of what we want to do but we don't write the vision down. We forget that without a vision, you lose sight of your purpose and without a purpose; you fail to set goals for each day. Hence you wake up on a daily basis with no agenda and flow with the season but no action plan. In essence, we fail to stick to the business of living life to the fullest.

I am no expert on the business of life but I have come to understand that when you lack passion, you lack ambition and without ambition you have no drive for the future you desire. So, what do you do when you have nothing but just an idea? Bottled up at the corner of your mind, yet it nags at you like a bad toothache. There is power in recognising that within you is an asset no one else has and it is your job to conceive, believe and achieve it.

To fulfill your dream, you need to work smart and hard for it. This is where your ability to stand strong and tall in life comes into the picture. The way you see yourself will be of great help in the season of toiling because your ability to believe in what you are pregnant with, will carry you a long way even if no one else sees it. Truth be told, "Once you start believing in yourself, you start disconnecting from the crutches you used to need." TD Jakes.

Then you need to ask yourself, what am I going to do each day that takes me one step closer to my vision? What is your action plan for today that will make tomorrow a little easier to handle. Don't get me wrong, at first you are excited about it then you get overwhelmed because it all seems so daunting and for a while you tell yourself, this dream is not mine. I can't do it. Now please understand, this is where you change your vocabulary and start saying to yourself; I have been equipped for this season of my life. I have the resources within me to make this happen. I am my own power house. I am the generator of all I need to make this happen. I was created with the ability that will make this dream go from seed form to fruition. Train your mind because the undisciplined mind becomes a lazy mind. What books do you need to read to enable you learn new things? Feed your soul, train your body and nurture your spirit. How you do all of these, is down to you. Your way of doing things is different to mine and that is what makes it unique to you. Go ahead, just do it.

This is where I ask, who are your friends and who do you know? I remember saying to someone a little while back that I am a relationship type of person but you know what, I think we all are. We may relate to people in different ways but we need relationships to survive. It's your decision who you want to relate to. You were not created to live in isolation and that will be a selfish thing to do in the first instance. Share yourself with others and you might be surprised at the outcome. While I am no relationship expert either and yes they sometimes drive you crazy but that's the reason we are in the classroom of life; learning how to have better relationships. So, do your friends prod you up or is your relationship for the sake of niceties and the pleasantries of knowing them. Don't get me wrong, have fun, enjoy yourself and by all means don't lose the plot because you are working every minute to make it happen. Take some time out and relax. Hence plan your time and when you have done the work, have a 'Me time' for just you, yourself and you and if you want to, have a great time with your friends. Go ahead, have a blast and don't forget to pick up the tab. Just kidding, on a serious note, your relationships have the power to make or break you. Who challenges you? Who are you investing into? What are your relationship non-negotaibles? I'll leave you to answer all of that for yourself but will end on this note; the person you know today has an input into the tomorrow you dream about.

So, we have talked about the dream, having an action plan, your circle of relationships. Now what? Well, in order to keep this short and if you are still with me, please stay with me on this. You might think, well its easy to write all of this down and yes, sometimes talk is cheap and actions expensive. This is where I tell you, one of my goals for this year is to write a full stage play and send it off to a theatre company for critical analysis. Basically giving myself up to be slaughtered and my world, I am nervous and if you allow me to be honest, really scared. The last stage play I wrote got me a first class grade at University but its time to test that grade out in the real world where the critics live and see what more I need to do to become a better playwright. Suzan-Lori Parks, an American playwright with a Pulitzer Prize to her name for Topdog/Undergog, wrote a play each day for a year and ended up with 365 Days/365 Plays. When she told her husband about her goal; his response was, "Yeah baby, that'd be cool." She started November 13 2002 and by November 2003, she had 365Days/365 Plays. Guess what? She did and so can you. Meanwhile, I am going to get working.

If you are still feeling jittery and thinking who am I to think I can do it? Well how about this from pen of one our great writers.

"We ask ourselves -- Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous? Actually, who are we not to be?" - Marianne Williamson