Why is Growing Up So Painful?

Do you sometimes wish you were a child again and your parents did everything? You know one of those periods in life when you were not accountable to anyone or anything?

Lately, I have been doing a lot of thinking on the subject of growing up. While it is a process, it is both painful and enjoyable. There are good days without a doubt but the bad days tend to erode one’s memory of the good days. Now if you agree with me, please stand up. However, you must always let the good days stay with you and let go of the bad days or else they will continue to sap at your strength and energy.

Believe me when I say this is the best time to be alive. I mean technology has so evolved, all you have to do is go on the web and everything you need is at your fingertip. If you are lazy and cannot cook, there is always ready made food. Everything is almost now instantaneous. However, there are things that will grind you and bring the best out of you and those things make growing up painful. Believe me, Mary J. Blige is not the only one with ‘Growing Pains’, the title of her latest album.

Success is sometimes an overnight business for a lot of people but for others, you have top work at it. It may take years before you get to that place where you can path yourself on the back but I believe we should path ourselves on the back everyday for the simple fact that we made it through the day and did not lose our minds. Oh yeah, you are not in a mental institution, that is a blessing and you should be grateful.

There are things that kill others daily but you made it through. You ought to be thankful. If you made one good choice or decision this week that will shape the rest of your life; please path yourself on the back because you are one step closer to your purpose while another is on his or her way to the state prison for wrong choices and decisions.

If you have your freedom, your health and your sanity, believe me when I say you are one of the richest people on earth. Some of us don’t have all of that. We may have one and crave the other.

As for me, this is the best time to be alive. I am growing through all of life’s experiences. I am learning everyday through and from my relationships. Some lessons are painful and others, well, let’s just say, I know better now. If I have learnt nothing at all, I am certain of the very notion that when people decide to walk out of my life, I ought to let them walk because even if I get superglue I cannot make them stay. My heart and spirit might be bruised but is it only for a while. There is always enough grace to heal and move on.

Secondly, when people show you who they are, please believe them because they are mot messing about. They are for real. You ought to realise, that’s just life. It is nothing personal.

This is where I go back to one of my favourite people in the world, Susan L. Taylor, “Not everyone is healthy enough to have a front-row seat in our lives.”

Back to the pain of growing up and accountability, this week has been very stressful to say the least. I am still recovering from my workload and the demands life has made on me. But this is the catch, when you say, I want to be this or I want to be that, when I grow up, you never think about the amount of work and time you will have to put in to become that very thing you desire. And that is when growing up becomes painful; when you become accountable to yourself and no one else for your successes and failures. When you are solely answerable for your thoughts, choices, decisions and actions because you know when tomorrow comes, you have no one but yourself to hold responsible.

I am tempted to throw in the towel and just be lazy but that’s not who I am. It has never been part of my make-up. I am too intelligent, blessed, gifted, and talented to waste all of life’s investment in me.

The greater one has given me more than enough to work with, I just need to make time and do the things I need to do. Time flies and you wonder how and when the day disappeared but that is life. It makes room for you but it won’t wait on you to be ready before it moves ahead.

Truth be told, I have been real tired this past week. If I am honest, I was close to tears on Thursday because I had just had enough. Exams, work and all of life’s little demands but when I looked back on my life’s journey, I said to myself, ‘Belinda, you have come too far to go back down on yourself.’

And that my people, is why growing up is painful, when you become accountable for the way your life turns out and no one else. You have no choice but to face up to the stark realities of life, pull yourself up by the bootstraps and keep walking.

You keep walking because growing up is a quest and a journey that one embarks on to find fulfilment in their life’s purpose and the key to finding it is in your hands.

Image: Google Images

From despair to fragile hope | World news | The Guardian

You have got to read this. A must for everyone.


From despair to fragile hope | World news | The Guardian

Even With My Issues

I once read a book by Dr Wanda Turner titled, Even With My Issues, and it was enlightening. A book of self realisation and if you haven’t worked it out from the title, it is a self-help book. I have to admit it was a pretty good book.

I liked it. In its simple delivery, it was honest, unapologetic and true to itself. And if you are honest with yourself about your issues you will find that we all have issues but the key is to know what they are and work on them one at a time. It could be that you over-eat or sleep when you ought to be awake pursuing the dream.

You don’t have to tell me but be honest with yourself. Trust me I have mine to deal with. I’m happy to listen and share, and together we can grow but I would never impose on any one. I have done too much of that in the past and it only got me into unnecessary trouble.

Before I deviate further from my mission today, recently, I have been struggling with a particular challenge. It is affecting a few things right now, especially my studies and I have been under a considerable amount of stress lately. As a woman of African descent with the full understanding that we have cultures, traditions and beliefs about what you tell and don’t tell others about yourself.

Believe me, I’m not one for sharing my challenges with the world either. In fact, some of my closest friends don’t even know what I am about to share on this page. It isn’t that I don’t want them to know. I just feel its best if I don't make an issue of it.

I was raised to always smile even when you are dying, no one needs to know. Forgive me but I have to admit that I agree with that mindset to a certain degree.

Now before you get all judgemental. Hear me out. Why share your challenges and troubles with individuals who are neither the cause nor solution to your problem. If they have no significant role to play, then it is none of their business.

Here it is, I am a young woman living with a medical condition. I won’t share the details with you because you have no right to know. If I change my mind tomorrow, I will let you know. I respect Kirsten Dunst for letting the world know she struggles with depression. That takes guts and kudos to her. I respect the young man dying of leukaemia, yet, he is using the platform of his blogpage to help others.

I respect individuals who bring a voice and attention to any medical challenge that society needs to pay attention to. If Magic Johnson didn’t tell the world he was HIV positive when he did, the attention it garnered would have never taken place. People would have never woken up to the fact that HIV is not a disease from Africa or a poor man’s disease. It is a respecter of no one and it can happen to anyone.

Magic did so much coming forward and I respect him everyday for that because he didn’t give up. He has fought all the way and from where I am standing; he is a fulfilled man.

Back to me, when I am ready to let you know I will but this is the point I am trying to make and don’t get it confused. It remains uncontested that our medical records is indeed one of the most private things we have a right to. It is no one else’s business.

I chose not to share mine because it doesn’t matter. It is what it is, life and my personal little challenge. The beauty of it is that I never let it dictate the pace of my life. There are good days and there are bad days. There are teary days also. Today for example because I was overwhelmed by it but the good days are better than the bad days.

I picked up my newspaper this evening and found out presidential hopefuls in the US have to let the world know about their state of health. Obama, was today, declared healthy and fit by his doctor. McCain has also been said to be healthy and Hilary is yet to reveal her medical records.

Surprise is not the word to use. This is the first US presidential election I have followed closely and I am learning new things everyday. However, I can understand why they have to let the world know they are healthy. After all, if you want to be my president, I need to know you will last the four years you have been elected to lead.

This brings me to the point where I ask, who really has a right to know those issues we struggle with? Don’t get me wrong. I am not ashamed of my challenge. To be honest, I am so proud of the fact that despite all I have to deal with I still have a zest for life. If anything, it has made me so passionate about life that every minute counts. I’m living and loving, learning to be me and no obstacle can stop me because nothing can stop me. If you ask anyone who knows me, they will tell you, B is crazy. She does things she knows she should think about twice or has no business doing.

I only ever tell those who need to know because of my safety or for the purpose of work and education. I remember when I was at Uni and had to tell my lecturers. It helped a lot because they understood why I was missing from class or could not meet a deadline or needed a deferral. It also meant they understood when I slept off during a lecture or seminar, and didn't pick on me because I could not help the situation. Yet, I completed my degree.

Even with my postgrad right now, the sitaution is the same. I look so drunk when I get home, all I can summon strenght to do is take off my shoes and hit my bed.

Recently, I had to fill in a job application form and there was a question about any personal or ethical challenges you may have faced and how you dealt with it. After much consideration I used my medical condition as one of the most challenging things I have faced in life and was quick to explain how I have dealt with it to date. Low and behold, I have an interview with one of the world’s most respected newspapers very soon. Now I don’t know if that was appealing to them but it was a milestone for me. I never share that part of myself so publicly but I took a chance and it worked out okay.

I don’t know what you or any one thinks about this or how you feel about it. Do people have a right to know about our personal health issues? I’ll leave that decision to you.

As for me, I am happy to keep my issue my issue because even with my issue, the beat goes on. Life goes on and nothing can stop me.

Image: Google Images

All About Love - Book Review

In the last three years, I can boldly confess that I have not missed an issue of Essence. It is and will forever be one of my all time favourite magazines. I find it therapeutic to read the stories of courage and empowerment every month. The magazine caters to the needs of an African beauty like me.

The first time I read the column, ‘In The Spirit’ by Susan L. Taylor, I was blown away. It was touching, honest and real. Here is a woman, who is known world over sharing her heart and soul, from her failures to her success, her fears, insecurities and anxieties. It takes courage to stand bold and be naked with other women because you know what we are like. Come on tell the truth, you know I am talking about you.

I thought to me myself, isn’t she a lady? She is the epitome of beauty, at 61, she looks good for a granmama. I love her to bits. Then I discovered the first instalment of those powerful columns I had been reading for months. She had put it into a book years back. If you have never read, ‘In The Spirit, The Inspirational Writings’ Of Susan L. Taylor, go get yourself a copy.

I am not one for plugging people’s product but you should get one as a woman. Read a chapter before you go to bed, meditate and girl! You will feel good about life and love even if you are all alone in your bed.

Since then, I have read every article by her religiously. It gives me strength to know a woman like Taylor is willing to stand naked before the world, and she is not afraid to say, this is who I’m.

Her latest offering, ‘All About Love’, is no different. Powerful, punchy and straight to the point; she is telling it like it is and I’m saying ride on sista. The stage is yours.

Once again, Taylor takes us on a journey of self-discovery, inner strength, self-love, faith to walk on water, forgiveness, family, finding peace, your love relationship with yourself and of course your man. She tells us about her struggles, her fears and how she takes each day as it comes to her.

Above all, she puts things into perspective from the point of view that there is a higher source you can always go to. She tells us the answer to life, our challenges and those personal issues your friends don’t even know about is LOVE.

When you love yourself, you will treat yourself right and because you are love, those around you will also feel the love that is within you because it will come out. You can’t fake it, sooner or later, the mask will come off.

I have devoured my copy every night since I got it but when I got to the section on relationships, it blew my mind. Here I am, a young woman in waiting. If you are wondering what that means, it means, I am a single lady who knows one of these days, she is going to meet the right man for her. You know what we call it. My heartbeat. At the same time, I am doing what I know to be better in life because I don’t want to mistreat my man. Hell no, he gets enough of that out there. Hence, when he gets home sista needs to set the atmosphere for brotha to flow.

Guess what Miss Taylor did to me, she took the lid off. She told me the truth to my face and said, Belinda, you have work to do. It isn't all about getting the man. You must be ready for whatever he brings on board. Ouch! That hurt but it is the truth. How about this for some home truth?

“When a sister is connected to her spiritual core, she has found her glory. She is on fire with desire for living and loving. She’s openhearted, full of joy and passion. Her way of living is an expression of reverence for life – for her own and all others – so she’s soft and sensitive. She honours above all else her covenant with God, and so she wants for nothing. Men of dignity and faith show up. They can’t resist her. They feel at home with her because she’s at home with herself.” Susan L. Taylor – author, All About Love

Can you boldly say you are at home with yourself? That is the task every young woman out there should set for herself, to be at home with herself. To be comfortable and love who she is and never apologise for it. It has taken me years and I’m still in that classroom of life, where I’m learning to be at home with myself. You see, when you are at home with yourself, people will know. You will never have to conform to be accepted because you know who you are.

Society has given us different images of a woman but I ask of you today, what kind of woman are you? Who is that woman you have you defined yourself as? Have you mapped out an action plan to becoming her and finding fulfilment in her?

Before you can find fulfilment in a man’s bed, you must first find one with yourself. If not each time you get with your man, it will be sex and not love making. When you are filled with love, you will make it memorable for him. Remember, it is you the woman, who comes to bed with your emotions. For him, it is physical. However, when you are the fulfilled woman that you are, you will make it memorable for him. He will be at work and start calling, I’m on my way home. Why - because you left a piece of yourself in and with him last night. Don’t you dare stop reading; you know I am telling the truth right there.

In conclusion, like Miss Taylor, I will never apologise for the behaviour of a man who does not know how to treat a woman right but if you are like me, take this to the bank.

“Choose a man you can love, and work with him. Or commit to understanding more deeply the one you’re with. But before any man becomes your lover, make him your friend and, most important, see him as your brother. Don’t let little things irritate you. When there’s conflict, soften your heart, recognise his innocence – or ignorance – and don’t have an attitude. Speak kindly. Be reverent. Practice peace. Be a role model for the behaviour that you want him to adopt.” Susan L. Taylor - author, All About Love

Easier said than done but it is possible. This is where I tell you that's one of many nuggets in this book. Go get yourself a copy because I am not coming back to this subject.

Images: Essence Magazine and Barnes and Noble

The Killing Streets Of London

It was just another normal day for me today but it wasn't normal at all.

I left my house this morning for my NCTJ Mock Exam because I have a news writing exam tomorrow. So, I thought why not pop down to Oxford Street, get myself a portfolio to use for my news cuttings.

You see, I am a trainee journalist. I went into Ryman's and being the woman that I am, went down to H&M to get some tops for the summer. I never got the tops because it wasn't important anymore.

So, I walked on and got the shock of my life.

A young black man in his twenties had been stabbed. "A severe stab wound to the chest" according to the police officer, who unknowingly blurted it out without realising I was a journalist.

Today wasn't about getting a great scoop or being the first journo on the scene. It was about the fact that for months I have read about knife crime in the newspapers, seen it on television but to see it live is a different ball game.

Yes, the journalist in me kicked into action. I took pictures, asked questions, even called the BBC news desk. Almost got my head taken off but that's okay. It comes with the job.

But the story before me didn't change. The young black man was being worked on by paramedics and I could see them trying to stabilise his heart. I have never seen so much blood or seen a heart beat so fast.

He was so helpless and I knew it was a case of fingers crossed.

A stab wound to the chest is always fatal.

This is where I say, enough is enough London.

Its time we wake up and reclaim our city. Its time they stop killing our sons, brothers, cousins, friends and family members.

We need to take a stand and this is the time to do just that.

I don't care if the government is struggling because the public has lost faith in them.

I don't care who is saying how it should be done or shouldn't be done.

I am sick and tired of being sick and tired of this. If we are not careful, society will soon become desensitised to it and soon, it will become just 'another stabbing' and that should never be the case.

Now is the hour for real action and we must take our children back and let them be children again. We must take our sons back and let them be our sons again.

I am tired of all the promises and never seeing any action.

Parents, take charge of your children. Communities stand up to your sons and tell them this isn't the way to go.

Where is the 'golden youth of Britain' going to?

Very soon we will have no young black men left because they are either in jail, unemployed or they have been killed by way of the knife.

I have had enough and enough is enough.

'It takes a village to raise a child,' let's raise our sons to be men and not murderers.

What are you going to do about this evil that is hovering over the land?

What am I going to do about it.

Alone, we can achieve nothing but together we can get our sons back.

Let's go get our boys and raise them to be men of valour and honour.


http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/england/london/7397006.stm

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/7397288.stm

Image: Belinda Otas

A Whole lotta Political Stuff

There's a whole lot going on in my head right now. I'm wondering, who the next American president will be? A new survey shows 19 per cent of Americans are not ready for a black president. I say wake up baby, its the eight year of the new millenium and you ain't see nothing yet.

This is the first of many surprises to come your way. You best get with the programme.

I have never been one to get political because I think politics is a dirty business but the last time I checked, democracy is government of the people by the the people and for the people. So, I best get with it and voice my opinion because I am affected by their f**king damn policies.

I have always been a big fan of the Clintons and I still like Bill Clinton despite his track record. I don't care if he slept with anyone in the Oval office. Was he good at his his job? You bet and that is what matters to me.

Did he have a heart? You bet. Was he wrong, oh hell yes but do I condemn him? No. We are humans and make mistakes. Did he deserve the witchhunters who went after him? No, it was a bloody waste of time and tax payers money because he is still alive, the CLINTON name is still ringing big on our televsion screens and newspapers but I wonder what became of Ken Star? Not sure if that's the right name but that tells you how obselete he is. I don't even remember his name. The damn f**ker!

Anyhow, before I was rudely interuppted by that name, Ken Star. I think the Clintons do a great job selling their story to us. Well, Hillary does. However, recent times have shown a different side to her that I don't like. The one which shows me a woman, who is a high achiever, I respect that. The politician that cries in public, I like that. The one that fights for children and women, I like that. The Hillary who gets the crowd going, I like that but what I don't appreciate is the way she took Obama's gaffe and turned it into a media circus. I don't like.

So, he said what he said about the working class of Pennsylvania. I am no American citizen but there is a lot to think about on that. Was he right? I don't know. Is there any truth to it? You be the judge.

Now, please, don't get me wrong. I am in no way insinuating that what he said was right. I don't think it was wrong either. But is there some element of truth to it? You be the judge once again.

However, based on Obama's slogan, if you want change, you must be willing to let go of the things that hold you back in order to attain the things in your future that you so desire right?

Now, that said, he rightly apologised and admitted it was wrong judgement. But no, my one time nice Hillary won't let it go. She drummed on it until the drums just couldn't hear themselves.

Then I thought, she ain't so innocent after all. She is a bulldog and knows how to fight dirty.

Yes, that comes with the arena of polictics but that is also what I hate about it. They tell you sweet things to get your votes, fight dirty, know how to paint an image but when it really comes down to it, you will be surprised how fast that mask can come off.

Then again, nothing surpises me much about politicians these days. They are not so superhuman afterall. They are flesh and blood like you and I. Give them a break.

This is where I ask, is Obama really about to make history? Well, so far he has. I mean, he has gone way further than Shirley Chisholm or Jesse Jackson in their bid for presidency and I am liking Barry a whole lot.

Fair to state he has done a few tihngs I don't appreciate. When Donnie McClurkin was attacked in the press because of his statements about homosexuality, Barry went the opposite way. He missed the point on that in my opinion. You can't please both sides. Donnie wasn't attacking anyone. He was simply telling his story and stating what he belived. I thought that is what freedom of expression was all about. Now if you are tyring to get black folks, who love the good Lord God almighty to vote for you. Please don't treat their role model like he is the devil. Selah!

All he said was, 'What people do in their bedroom is their business.' I agree. There is enough dirty laundry out there. Keep your personal business your personal business.

We all need to learn to respect each other and our differences even if you don't like it. You respect it. That is what Human Right is all about right? Live and let's live but we must learn to respect each other.

Oh well, before I deviated, the jury is still out on Barry. Until he gets there and starts doing what he promised, I won't tell you anymore.

All I am saying is, we are seeing things we would never have seen 50 years ago and in my opinion, that's good.

Personally, I'm sick and tired of folks who say the right things to get paid while a minority group in society gets played. If you have a problem with that go f**k yourself.

For now, I am keeping my eyes and ears open to see how Hillary and Barry play this out because it has dragged on for way too long. I mean, even the damn Republicans know how to get it over and done with, and in time. Then again, I don't respect anyone who quits. So keep the good fight going. Selah!

Image: seattlepi.nwsource.com/.../cartoon20070720.gif (Google)

Back To Basics

Been gone too long. However, I am going back to my first love Writing the stories I would like to read. The ones that make me say awww! The ones that make me think and the ones I can learn a thing or two from.

Its time to come back and pay attention to my blogpage.

It was never my intention to neglect you. Life gave me other things that needed attention and I got carried away.

What have I been Up To?

Life sure has a way of knocking sense into us. Like it or not, your life's trajectory is in your hands and if you do nothing about it, get ready to watch life happen rather you making it happen.

We can all make up an excuse for why we are busy. Yet, achieving nothing. I can't speak for anyone but myself. Studying for a full time degree is scary, working at the same time is hard. Doing all you can to make it in a world where you are the 'Queen B' one day and a nobdy the next, even harder. A world where people can be flaky but you must remain true to who you are.

A world where you will meet some of the nicest people and don't be fooled, some of the cheekiest also. That's my way of not wanting to use the word nasty. However, none of that matters. It isn't about them. Its all about you and what you want out of your life's experiences.

I have just finished a degree, now working on a postgrad and at the same time wanting to earn a living. What I have been up doesn't compare to the lessons I have learnt. The biggest being that life is indeed what you make it.

You will only get from it what you put into it. Bottomline, if you want it bad enough, you will do what you need to do and do it well to get to where you want to get to.

I have cried and asked questions. Sometimes, I get no answers. Sometimes I am too slow is the response I get. 'You need to move faster' my intuition tells me. I sit down and argue but I'm moving. It says 'Na! Not fast enough. You are making excuses and I don't like excuses.

This brings me to what I have been up. Why leave my blogpage unattended to for a little while when writing is my passion? Where did all my energy go to? I wish I had answers.

I haven't been playing for sure. Like I said, was finishing off a degree, now working on a postgrad and still writing for every publication that likes the ideas I send them.

Is that enough? Hell no. I need to do more and time is moving faster than I can keep up with it.

Hence, I feel lazy some days and other days angry that I am not doing enough. Everyone around me tells me I'm and I shouldn't be hard on myself. You see, I don't know how not to be hard on myself. Sometimes, it feels like that's the only way, I can stop making excuses, get off my ass and get some work done.

Do I sound like a perfectionist? Yes I am but I have learnt, 'perfection is a myth but excellence is a reality.' Now, I am working on being excellent. That is what I have been up to. Taking life as it comes but making the most of it, so it doesn't leave me behind.

Sometimes We Win. Sometimes We Lose But Hopelessness Is Not An Option.

Have you ever felt sorry for yourself because you thought life was being unfair to you? if yes, join the club. You are not alone. However, be warned, don't stay in this club for too long because I just changed my mind. I am checking out and I mean right now. Why not come with me?

I work in an industry where, for every yes, you will most likely have received 10 NO's. Oh yes, that's journalism for you baby. Its unfair, its not nice but that's just life.

I have had one of those weeks, you know, where you try to do all you know to do in order to get ahead and today, I was this close to throwing in the towel and then I remembered it isn't so bad afterall. The truth is, I'm not the only one feeling despondent today.

There are others in the same boat. While I don't know if they decided to pack it in, I refuse to let one person's rejection of my idea keep me down. That's right, he rejected my idea not me. I am still here. Hence, I can go on and repackage that same idea because there is a million possibilities that someone out there will love it.

That's how we should see life. When people reject our ideas, even reject us. Its okay, their loss not ours. I say take that time to learn and regroup. Sometimes, departure is necessary for discovery.

So the editor I pitched to tells me the idea hasn't got an angle that is distinctive enough. Well, I am distinctive and unique, so, I'll go ahead and find an angle that is distinctive for another editor right? What he sid hurts but it could have been worse and he was nice. He was fair. I couldn't have asked for more.

Right now, I have two other options to explore and that's why I'm up this late to see what can become of this idea.

Malorie Blackman had 82 rejection letters before a publisher took her on and today she has over 50 books to her name. So, who am I to give up if she kept going?

I am all that and much more, so I refuse to give up.

That is the key to success, never giving up and staying relentless in the game of life.

Just like the image above, there is so much more to look up to. Stop bowing your head and start looking up.

Selah!

Image: Google Images

How far Is Too far?

No news is good news but there comes a time when one has to question the sanity of the society we live in. I picked up the newspaper this morning and the first thing that caught my attention was the fact that our government is making proposals for abortions to be carried out by GPs.

I admit, I felt sick and angry. Angry because our babies are having babies and now we want to make it easier for them to go out, get laid and get rid of it. Don't get me wrong, there are those who say they do it for legitimate reasons and I am not here to question right or worng. That's not to say I sanction abortion. I am dead against it. However, there are cases where individuals felt they had no choice. I am not heartless to the extent where I won't understand when a woman who has been raped by a stranger says she can't stand to keep a baby conceived in the most terrifying hours of her life. It certainly isn't my place to judge.

But there comes a time when we have to draw the line somewhere. It was okay when it was legalised, we thought it would end there. Just how far are we going to go before we realise we are making laws and allowing things that are not helpful but rather harmful. Making it so easy means there are lives at risk, what happens when things go wrong? There are doctors accordinbg to the news stories in the papers today, who are concerned about this.

Is this what we elected this government for? To take us from bad to worse. Forgive me once again because I'm from the old school of life and I will not apologise for it. We make it easy for our children to get guns and knives, and what did we end up with, a spree of knife and gun crimes. When we decided certain drugs were no longer Class A drugs, we made more junkies out of our citizens.

These laws are introduced to make things better but I for one, am yet to see any changes. Is it me or is there anyone else out there, who thinks its time to get back to the basics of what makes us a society? Doing what is right, so our future generations can emulate the trend. Right now we are perpetuating a generational genocide in the name of a free society but are we really free or have we become slaves to the liberation we claim to have?

It isn't until people kill each other for the sake of superiority over each other that we have a genocide in our hands. It starts with the daily decisions we are making as a nation that is gradually leading us down the path of what will claim lives if care is not taken.

There are different stages of abrotion and when a doctor is allowed to carry out one but when its now okay to walk into your local GP surgery and get one, then something has definitely gone wrong somewhere. It is even worse when you realise that the highest rate of abortion carried out in 2005 was among 19 year olds. That ought to make the heart of any mother bleed because they most likely had no say in the decision making process. Yes, a 19 year old is an adult but your baby will always be your baby and no matter how much you let go, you still want to protect them. Does a 19yr old woman fully understand the impact of her actions, the possibility of the guilt and shame and not to mention, the emptiness and loneliness she will feel afterwards?

This madness has got to stop. A free society is great but when that same free society becomes a slave of freedom, then we have a major problem.

Image: Google Images

Haters! Liars! Thieves and Cheats.

May I be excused for a second. You see, I have always wondered what it felt like when people said things about you that hurt like hell. I mean they are telling lies and fibs about you. What makes it worse is when they don't even know you.

I deem such people to be haters and liars. They don't contribute anything to society but 'palava.' They are so hateful, it hurts when you watch them destroy themselves because I refuse to let such ignorant people strip me of my destiny. You see, I have a purpose and a vision, and I have goals in place to make them happen. Hence, I don't have the time to sit with haters who are going nowhere and talk about what didn't happen.

It is baffling when you hear people say things that are untrue. Makes you wonder if you are so special, they have nothing better to do with their time than talk about you, your hair do and the fact that you are living and loving life.

Get a life is my advice to such people.

If you are a lady reading this, I know we feel the pain more when people say things that are not true. However, you must learn to rise above the pain and say to yourself, "I'm all that and much more for people to drop everything they are doing and waste their precious time dissecting my life."

My mum puts it like this, "When people talk about you, you must be doing something right. You must be up to something they can't do." Wipe your tears ladies, don't let any joka derail you from your vision.

What surprises me is when a man talks about you. I thought men didn't gossip or am I being naive. Then again, worst things have happened. What's with some joka who thinks he is JaRule's brother, looking like Coolio and Snoop Dog in the dreads and some fake Rocawear on his backside telling the world he knows you when you can barely make out his name because you have no dea who he is?

Forgive my arrogance but such people don't do anything for me. If you think you have got to model yourself on some rapper, then you have no idea who you are. If you believe being a photocopy is the best you can do, by all means, you are welcome to do so but don't bring it down my end. What have we turned into? When did we forget about manners and think its okay to speak to people like they don't matter.

I don't know about you but I matter a lot and if you can't stand the sight of me, please be my guest, look away or get a knife and take your eyes out. That's mean, I know but I don't care. Remember, telling it like it is, no apology necessary!

RESPECT. Don't we know the meaning of that word anymore? Why have we become so disrespectful just because we live in a society where everything and anything goes. Forgetting that we are a people of cultures and traditions. Excuse me, I don't mean to be culturally minded or traditionally conditioned because that's boxing yourself up with a myopic point of view but what's wrong with giving honour to whom it is due.

We are raising boys not men, girls not ladies and when they do wrong, we turn a blind eye. No wonder they end up being players and haters.

Its time this madness stops and we go back to basics and raise our girls to be women and our boys men. Men of standard and women of substance, who together make an impact in society.

Its time to stop being a hater player and start respecting others. Treat everyone equally, like you wish others treat you.

Selah!!!!

Image: Google Images

So, You Want A Man?

You know what? I don't care what anyone thinks or says after they read this. If you noticed above this blog page, the header reads, 'Just Telling It Like It Is. No Apology Necessary!' If you have an issue with it, no apologies from me. Blame Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo. It is not my fault they wrote the book, 'He's Just Not That Into You: The No-Excuses Truth To Understanding Guys.' I mean they are so fr**king right, it hurts to admit that as women, we have made some if not all of the mistakes they outline in the book. I am not embarassed to tell you that I have read this book and they are on Point!!! That's right, they got the gist on us ladies.

Why do we keep making excuses for a man when we know deep down he is not feeling us and that whatever we think is going on, is all in our head? Come on, tell the truth. You know you have done it. I have and it is part of life. It happens. There is no need to be ashamed about it. Embrace your feelings, deal with your desires and learn to control your proclivities, and then move on. Easy to say, hard to accomplish but hell you can do it.

When did we forget about letting the man be a lion and hunt us down. Truth be told, if a man really wants you, nothing is going to get in his way. That is the God honest truth. So, if you think you are the precious sun in his cloud, get over it. Think about it, 6 months, a whole year comes and goes, and he keeps telling you he is busy. Get the message, cut yourself some dignity and move on. I mean shut the door. Better still, slam it, that's right, a slam dunk and move on.

Don't go looking for excuses to call him so you can hear his coarse voice. What's wrong with a brotha calling a sista if he is really feeling her right?

If you are better than me in some cases and can maintain a friendship, go ahead but do not expect anything. Get your focus right and get busy. What are your passions? Start living for them. The right man for you will find you doing your thing. Get your groove back ladies.

Please for anyone out there, who is defending the friendship syndrome, I am not saying it is impossible but let's keep it real here. That is pure unadulterated bullsh*t. I am not a defender of the feminist movement and I have never counted myself to be one. However, one must tell the truth for what it is. Get over it and get a life.

I sympathise that it hurts to really like someone and they are not feeling you but that's life. It can be and is sometimes a b**ch. We all have to deal with it. If you learn this truth that your immediate needs are your wants and your needs will be met at the right time. You will be okay in the long-run. Stop going about town, telling everyone you need a man. We all do, well if you are straight that is. Don't get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with meeting the right person for you but you have got to celebrate yourself before he comes along or you are going to suffocate him. Enjoy the ride. Being a singleton might be a bus stop right now but the right man who will fufill and satisfy you on all sides is round the corner. If you like being touched like I do, even better. Bring it on baby!!!!

It is okay to have those moments when you don't want to go out with your girlfriends and want a man you can lean on. Don't deny what you feel but don't let it control you either. If not, you will find yourself settling for better than nothing and sooner than later, start wondering what went wrong?

Let me put it like this; it is a case whereby you really want a full course meal but because the local chip shop is closer, you settle for fish and chips. When you could have gone all to the to a five star restaurant, enjoyed the food and go one better, the atmosphere.

I'll say no more.

Selah!!!!!

Image from Amazon Books
www.amazon.com

Underground Manners

A funny thing happened the other day. I was on my way to Waterloo Station and decided the quickest way to get there was via London Liverpool Street Sation, then get the Central Line to Bank Station and from there, get the Bakerloo line, which goes directly to Waterloo Station. All of this of course was happening underground; London Underground, one of the oldest tube networks in the world. Okay enough of the travel log.

While evenings tend to be rush hour as everyone makes their way home. You are never an ear short of something comical or experiencng a comdey show down below. Today was no different. Under the City of London, there is life to be discovered. It is a sight to behold and the one liners that come your way, stay with you for a very long time.

Well, on this occassion, it was the train driver. Fair to say it is bl**dy hot down under and when the heat gets to you, you are not responsible for your actions or the words you utter. What a lame excuse? There is no reason to be rude because you are having a bad day. However, it does happen and such is life.

As usual, you will get the announcement over the intercom saying, "Doors closing, do not obstruct the doors." Unfortunately, someone may have done so unknowingly. Needless to say the train driver comes banging on the intercom and I mean his bodacious rant was rather animated in delivery. It got me thinking; when did we fall short of our ability to be civil on the job? His words were, "What part of do not obstruct the doors don't you understand?" At first, I could not help but think to myself, is he asking a polite question or is he just being rude and feels he has the right to speak to London Underground passengers the way that pleases him? It is either he has another job lined up or he is just naturally bold with no reserve or remorse whatsoever?

I must add, his little tirade got a few chuckles from passengers and hilarious that it was taken so well. If I had any premonition that I was going to hear his choice of words that evening; I would have taken a tape recorder along and recorded it for archive purpose.

While his words were rude and uncalled for in my opinion, it was also funny to dissect his question. Truly speaking, what part of 'Do not obstruct the doors' don't people understand? Is it (A) 'Do not' or (B)'Obstruct the doors?' Same way you would ask an indivividaul; 'What part of No don't you understand?' Is it the 'N' or the 'O?'

I guess that's life on the underground for you. Never a dull moment!!!

If you want more interesting stories about life down below London, visit:

http://londonundergroundlife.blogspot.com/

London Underground Map from Google Images

Financial Journal

I want this, I want that, I want it all. Isn't that the mentality we end up having after having everything our way. Keeping up with our friends, always looking all styled and profiled. Getting the compliments and being the centre of attention. Ouch!!! That hurts, doesn't it? It hurts to admit the truth and even more painful when you are paying the bills. Knowing fully, you didn't need the jacket or those shoes but you went ahead and purchased them.

I am not here to condemn you, truth be told, I am warning myself and learning my lessons like you. There is no need for the regret table to be drawn out and we rehearse the decisions we took, knowing we didn't need to go down that route. However, it is time to reposition ourselves, change our paradigm and do things differently. I know I want to. What about you?

Funny how it all starts, its only a bag we say to ourselves. I am sure I can make-up the difference. We use the bag and after a while we see something else we need. When did we get to the place where our wants and needs got mixed up, and we messed up the budget we started working on, at the beginning of the year? How about those New Year resolutions we made to ourselves? When did we forget the promises we made about our vision, purpose and goals for the future? This is where I ask, what's your financial vision for today, tomnorrow and the next five to ten years?

You may be in that boat with a sinking feeling, you don't know what you own or have in the bank? You don't have a financial action plan and you want your finances back on track. I don't have the answers but I can tell you one or two things that might help you.

It starts with a conscious decision to do better financially. It isn't just about saving the money but invest as well. Look, we have all made the mistake but there is no need beating yourself up now. Its time to do something about it. The big '30' beckons for me and I'm asking myself about the future. I have questions about my finances and it hit me; the mistakes I have made but can't go back and change. I can only aim from now on to do better. It is never too late. Don't get me wrong, looking back, it hurts. I knew what I was doing. There is no need playing that card of 'oh, I didn't know.' Ignorance has no part in this. It was all me. I made those decsions, living for the moment and not thinking about the tomrrow I was entering into. It takes a lot to be so honest with myself but that's the first step to making things right.

What have I done so far? Every month, I have a budget and I keep track of my expenses. Some months I do better than others. However, I have no plans to stop, I am going to keep at it until I get it right. I have set my financial goals and I now keep a financial journal. I am also reading books that teach you how best to manage your finances and invest the little you have now because tomorrow, it will be a whole lot more.

My heart bleeds at my financial mistakes when I look back but crying about it won't change things. Its time for a financial make-over. It is never too late. Change your mind about those habits and start living in today because you want your financial freedom for tomorrow. Cut some cards, leave some at home when you are going out. Only take what you need. Draw up your shopping list and only buy what you need.

As for looking all styled and profiled, learn to recycle, that's what I am doing from now on. You don't like what I have on, please run along and fix your eyes on someone else. I look fab! bye!!!

I have been reading the books above this blog entry and I pray you find them useful. Invest in your mind and change your mind about your financial future in order to gain your freedom. Start keeping a financial journal, you will be amazed, the difference it makes when you know your financial habits and patterns.

Selah!!

Images from Amazon Books
http://www.amazon.co.uk/

AFRICCHIC - Proud To Be African

I have interviewed people and wrote features in the few years I have been journalist. I must say without a doubt; this is one subject I am so proud to be associated with. It was an experience I would sit through again and again. There are people you meet and you are forced to ask, why aren't we all so humble and unassuming? I wish I had the answer to that but I don't. Hence, I won't even try to give you my philosophical response. I would mess it up and fail woefully. Yes that's right, I am not afraid or ashamed to tell you that I don't have the answer. You figure it out and let me know.

Moving on, Runway Africa is the brainchild of Clarissa Abban, a Ghanian-American and her vision is to see Africa celebrated for all its beauty. I say why the hell not? Finally, its not about the images of war or starvation, Africa is rich with raw materials and great wealth that is yet to be discovered. I know the West is rich and thriving but I'll let you in on a secret; the wealthiest place on earth is not Europe or the Americas. It is right in Africa, there is natural resources, down beneath the earth, yet to be discovred and I will take that to the World Bank any time, any day and it wil stick. Oh hell yes! I said it. I refuse to apologise for saying so. Check!

The first face for Runway Africa is Angela Asare, you will recognise her as the Ghanian contestant in the 2006 Miss Universe pageant. She won the Miss Congeniality award. She is truly all things African and the reason she got involved; to celebrate Africa for its beauty and not its failures. Finally, we are beginning to realise we have a lot to offer to the world. It has always been there but for a long time, we were waiting for hand-outs. I say its time to fend for ourselves and raise our own profile and stop waiting for the different NGO's to do the job for us. Oh yes, I'm on a roll and like I said, no apology necessary.

Runway Africa is about celebrating African Arts and fashion. It is about 'AfriChic'. The new Afro-eccentric. Here is a new one, 'Afropolitan' just like you have Cosmopolitan, I'm proud to say that I am Afropolitan.

I could go on and on about Runway Africa and the fact that Clarissa is only 22yrs old, yet she has a vision so big, I see it becoming a landmark event. I could tell you about the designers showcasing their work but that will be taking the fun of discovery away from you. I would prefer you see it for yourself.

Image: Courtesy of Runway Africa

To find out more, visit:

http://www.runwayafrica.com/
http://www.myspace.com/runwayafrica

Well Worth It

I have read books by African Writers and felt proud to be African. When I read 'Half Of A Yellow Sun, I can bodly say, I'm proud to be African and a Nigerian.

She derseved the Orange Prize. To cut this long story of 433 pages short, I learnt more about the Nigerian Civil War from this book than I did at school as youngster. I know, not so good but get over it. That'w why we read books right?

I don't need to write any more to tell you about this book, the characters, tell you the story. Get yourself a copy and read. Selah!

Image from Amazon Books
http://www.amazon.co.uk/

Hell! You Can Do It!

I have often wondered when you get to that point where you can say to yourself, well done!!! You got that right. Now keep walking, don’t stop. When do you get to that place in life, where you know without a doubt that you have arrived at your destination? Success beckons and you are certain this is it. No going back.

I don’t think we ever get to that place where you can fully say I have done all that I was born to do. There is always something to do. You might be elated about one achievement but before you know it, something else comes along that needs your attention.

I am a firm believer in positive thinking. Honestly, why occupy your mind with idle and meaningless thoughts when you can get creative and become a genius?

Look around you, what are people doing? Who do you aspire to become in the bear future? Why not find out what they are up to and get going? Study their habits and the patterns of their life, their success and failures? You will be amazed the number of times they gave it their all before they hit the ‘Big Time.’

I don’t know what your dream is but I know what mine is all about. I dream big and sometimes that gets me into trouble but hell, I refuse to die a photocopy of the society I have found myself in. I am original, created for this time and I am prefect for my assignment. If you go back to my previous entries, there is one titled ‘Dream Like A Fool,’ where I share my passion for writing stage plays. I am on it, doing my research, one day at a time. For me, it is a long term project. So, I am on track though there are days when I don’t think so. However, when I look back on my achievements, I am more than grateful to be here because not once did I think I would ever get the opportunity to do all that I am doing. I am willing to do the work, pay the price, so I can obtain the prize.

There is where I ask, what are you doing? How far have you come with your dream? Are you still in the land of tomorrow and then tomorrow gets here and before you know it, it is gone and, becomes yesterday? Take it from those who have gone ahead of us. Having a dream is the land of the unknown, it is no man’s land but when you discover the known in that unknown, you have mastered it and guess what another unknown is on the way to be discovered.

Hey, I am no expert, just an African Girl, who dreams big, wild at heart and I’m all things African but I’ll tell you what, I refuse to die as a counterfeit and hell no! I am not giving up. I just started because there is still so much to do.

Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie is doing it, Chinua Achebe is still achieving in his old age, what’s stopping you and I from winning those coveted prizes we only hear about?

Wake up, smell the coffee and refuse to go back to the soil with every dream you carry. Stop putting that task off. Get going, start working that dream.

Hell No! I forbid you to die without a legacy.

Image from Google Images

How Long Is Too Long?

Where do I start from? Quite a little while. Well, well, well. Quite a while indeed. Truth be told, I have just been real busy but I never forgot about this blopage. It was a pain not being able to update regularly but I'm back now.

Back to stay and back in business. Don't turn the page. I'll be right back.

What's Your Apology Language?

Ever heard that saying about no two people being the same? Well, I always knew that at the back of my mind but the practice of it, that's a different ball game. Hence, it isn't surprising to find out that we all have our own apology language and it is different from one person to the other.

This lady just messed up and if it was with a female friend, it would have been okay. I mean I could have gone on and on, tell her off, maybe not speak to each other for a few days and we both get over it. We would have called each other to ask, are you still mad at me and then move on. However, what do you do when that isn't the case? What do you do when you have messed up with a male friend and you let it drag on? Needless to say, he apologised for what did, you said it was okay. Yet you felt like you couldn't quite forget what happened. Talk about forgivin' ain't forgettin'. As a woman, while you don't make your feelings and you experience them, there comes a point when you say to those same feelings, I own you and I'll manage you not you managing me.

If I knew all of this, why did it take being on the brink of losing a friend to realise he meant it when he apologised? I would really like to make excuses but I can't find one that is good enough. However, I'm glad I came to my senses and decided to sort it all out. I believe in learning everyday and this was my opportunity to learn about our apology language. It varies from one person to the other. We all have our different ways of expressing our regrets. I didn't know that then but now that I do, I pray I don't make this mistake again.

It doesn't matter what he did, well........it does. The bottom line is, he apologised. It was down to me to deal with it and let go. The lights came on with the last look he gave me a little while back and I knew ooops! Girl, you just messed up. So I thought about the best way to make things right, I knew an apology would be a start but I didn't know how. So I got myself a book and it was like a light bulb came on and my perspective changed. "The Five Languages of Apology - How To Experience Healing In All Your Relationships," by Gary Chapman and Jennifer Thomas, did for me this week what nothing else has done for me in a long time.

It explains the different roles of an apology in our various relationships, how to make and accept an apology and give forgiveness. Now that is a choice you make for yourself. It may take time to regain trust and let go of the disappointment but that all depends on the level of offence you felt was levelled at you. However, it really helps to let go because it makes you sick and miserable when you don't. There is no need putting up a front either because you know you are miserable and misery sure loves its own company.

I am not one for plugging books that mean nothing to me but I believe this book is now one of my favourite because I have learnt so much in one week than I have in years about what an apology means in a relationship. It doesn't matter if the offender or the offended is a friend, a spouse, sister or brother. This book deals with every aspect of an apology in a relationship, even in the workplace. It doesn't matter anymore who was right or wrong. What matters is that we move on and remain friends. I guess a little tiff isn't so bad at the end of the day.

Wow! That wasn't so bad after all.

Selah

Image from Amazon Books
www.amazon.co.uk

Been There. Done That. Got A T-Shirt To Prove It

The first time I bought Essence magazine,I remember thinking, not bad. Not bad at all but with each month, they step up the game. Now, I buy it religiously and look forward to each edition because there is always something in there for me. From the personal stories that lift you up to the tips and advice on how to buy a home or deal with that work situation. Fair to say there are things I don't agree with but on the whole, they do a pretty good job. They don't try to be black America, they are BLACK AMERICA. Susan Taylor knows the right words to make your eye all teary. Angela Burt-Murray is a beauty with her words.

I could go on and on about the different sections but what stands out for me are the features. From the rape crisis in the Congo to the issue of Aids that is ravaging black America. They tell it like it is. I appreciate the honesty and even when readers don't agree with them, they publish the letters no matter what the reader is ranting on about.

Running a magazine is cut throat but their house is in order; some good house keeping skills I must say. I could go on and on but they have done it again with this month's issue, "The Bold & Beautiful" edition. The little I have read of it, I can say there is power in forgiveness. If you didn't think it was okay to forgive those that hurt you, please bear in mind that we all have something to learn from Kai Leigh Harriot.

http://www.essence.com/essence/lifestyle/voices/0,16109,1606559-7,00.html

There is power in forgivesness. She may be confined to a wheel chair but she has the power to command the respect of those around her at such a tender age.

I'll say no more except when you get angry at some people, think of Kai and what she stands for. Maybe you too will find it in you to forgive that man or woman who betrayed your trust.

Image from Essence.com
www.essence.com