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Thursday, July 16, 2009

I'M NOT YOUR KOKOLETTE.



“You cannot write with your hands chained.” Helon Habila.

When I first heard about KOKO Mansion, I had to know what it was all about and why so many people thought it was a good laugh. Without a doubt, it is a good laugh. After all, our ability to laugh at ourselves served as a good source of comic relief during decades of brutal military rule. We called IBB Maradona for his ability to wiggle his way out of tight situations and he is still the butt of jokes for a number of comedians. Why the hell not? Today, it is fair to argue that we have become somewhat desensitized to a lot of bullsh*t that otherwise would not have been okay some decades ago. But guess what, we can still joke about it and we even have comedy nights dedicated to it, all in the name of not taking ourselves too seriously.

That's what happens when you have liberty. However, I wonder if our liberty is helping us because we seem to accept the unacceptable in the name of liberty and refuse to take action for the real liberty that we have a right to as Nigerians. We excuse a few things in the name of catching up with the West but its okay, we are developing. Don’t get me wrong, I respect the way we have moved up the ladder in a whole lot of things. I mean we have world class writers, winning The Orange Prize, The Caine Prize and others who are doing great things. We have a generation who is hungry for success and hustling to do whatever it takes to make it happen. Though it breaks your heart to see what some are doing but what choice have they got when there is no support network to make it happen.

Before I continue, you are more than welcome to call me an arm chair critic, I mean, Wole Soyinka gets it everyday but that has not stopped the creative spirit in him or his ability to be vocal. I believe he recently categorised democracy in Nigeria as lacking. Though not his exact words but the man still tells it like it is. Take it or leave it.

Back to the issue with KOKO Mansion, I am not a big fan of reality TV but I have given some thought to the whole idea and I am tempted to say… in fact, I’ll say this. It serves the purpose of keeping people entertained if this is your idea of entertainment. Second, it sure helps to keep the man in whose name it has been created on our minds, record sales and popularity soaring. And of course, the ratings for the channel on which it is been shown are going to go through the roof. It is going around the world and you have people in London talking about with the help of cable TV, what more could you ask for?

That said, what I can’t understand is the reason we think that getting a group of women into one house and creating an all ‘Female’ version of ‘Big Brother’ is a great idea that would revolutionise the way we view television in Nigeria.

Now let’s take a look at the name, KOKO Mansion and the ladies or should I say girls are called Kokolettes. Right there, they have been commodified and for the rest of their lives, there is a big possibility that they will remain commodities owned by the Nigerian media. Then you take a look at the prize the winner stands to take home and you are tempted to say, wow! Which for a lot of people is indeed wow? Otherwise, how else will they ever get such an opportunity to acquire the things on offer? But the biggest game prize on offer is EXPOSURE. Damn it, these girls are smart. And I might not like the show but I respect their savviness to recognise opportunity when they see it because they are taking it with both hands and milking it for all that it is. ‘Their mama born them well jare!’

Out of curiosity, I have become a fan on facebook and was reading through the different comments of other fans. Some have gone to great lengths to prove their point; others have become rather rude and obnoxious, which in my opinion is uncalled for. Let everybody express their views without suppressing it with yours. And some people have taken it rather personally but the comment which stood out and got my attention was one made by a lady who said, ‘If it was a white man behind this show, we Nigerians would say it is great and support it.’ That I am afraid is true to a certain degree. I’m afraid the mentality which dictates a white man might be better at something still persists in our society. If you don’t believe me, bid for a contract and let a white man also put in a bid and then wait and see who will get it. You all know I am not off the mark on that one. It has happened so many times that we are now used to it because we think, they will do it better. No disrespect intended at any race, just being honest and you know that’s how it is.

When I got to the fan page, I had a good look at the pictures and when I got to the album of the press briefing, felt really sick. It was all men sitting at the table answering questions. Talk about a bunch of f***ing chauvinistic a** holes…and then you take a look at the marketing images and that tells you what these a**holes think women are. (Pardon the Frenchies but that’s how the words flowing right now and my hands can’t be tied)

Then you move on to read the profiles of the contestants and you can see we have come to define success as being famous and the best way to get it is through notoriety or any which way possible. No matter how bad or the means involved. Reuben Abati was not off the mark after all with his article, ‘A Nation's Identity Crisis.’ Brother was on point because he said it all. You might not agree with him but the symptoms on display corroborate his point. And I have a strong feeling that people missed his point and that’s why they all got worked up about it.

Some of the contestants have said they came there for the exposure not the money. At least they are honest and three Kokolettes have made it clear that their ambition is to be in the entertainment industry and be media moguls but no one is as blunt as Kokolette Chioma. Chioma is described as a talented musician who has no time to disguise her motivation for participation on the show. “I’m here for the money, because when I get the money, I’ll be able to produce my songs, and the popularity will help too, because for you to succeed in the entertainment business, you need to be known,” she says. Hell she is right? Being a dumb a** won’t get you far.

Before we continue, take a look at kokolette Victoria, she has a lot of dreams and girl, keep dreaming because that’s a lifeline you have going for you already. But her dream includes running a successful travel agency, producing international standard movies, and owning a video-vixen agency. Let’s stop right there.

You and I know one of the most famous video-vixens the world of hip-hop has given to us to date is none other than… Karrine Steffans and that I would have to say ‘MBA’ better explained as HELL NO. That is not a dream but license to open a prostitution centre with scantily clad ladies as the ultimate prize. Why do you have to think taking your clothes off with the men fully clothed and then shaking your two cents booties and titties is the best way to make a living? Now I know it pays the bills and gets you noticed but you and I know full well, our parents had rather be dead before they see that happen. Well, some of them…All the same, that is no dream. We are better than that. Its her dream and I have no right to deny her but come on people, we are a society with cultures and traditions and a lady who smokes is still considered a prostitute in some cultures, let a lone one who decides to put her titties and booties on public display.

But this is what pained me the most, watching and listening to Kokolette Rita, who finds it very challenging to string a few sentences together. Her profile reads, “I came here because I want to get exposure, not necessarily because of the money, because if I represent myself well, the future will give me more money than the prize money.”

And it is because of Rita that I felt compelled to write this piece. It would be so easy to laugh at her inability to string a few sentences together after watching a video of her presentation. But then you read her profile and get to this, “I can prove myself as a woman because I know my left from my right.” You see, Rita’s ambition according to her profile was inspired by an emotionally daunting experience a few years ago, when she was sent packing from school for her parents inability to pay her school fees – as she remembers, her dad was broke, and the rich folks she knew berated her for being poor instead of helping her with the required sum to pay her school fees – that incident introduced her to how cold the world was to the poor. “It was after this incident that I swore to myself that I was going to succeed in life.” who wouldn’t make that vow when you have hot tears streaming down your face and you have been given a coat of shame you have no control over or the ability to shake off. But she is trying desperately to shake it off. She is and for that, I am tempted to say ‘Come on Rita, go on, give it your best shot’ though we all know, she stands little or no chance of winning but then again, never judge a book by its cover.

This reminds me of a new book by Chika Unigwe, ‘On Black Sisters' Street,’ where she takes a look at the lives of Nigerian prostitutes in Belgium. In an interview with BBC World Service, she talks about the fact that she was shocked to discover a large population of the prostitutes in Antwep, Belgium were Nigerians. That was back in 1995 and today is no shocking news.

Therefore I agree with her that the current state of things calls for the government to be indicted and I would like to add that they be should be indicted for treason. They have betrayed our trust and confidence for too long, taken away the future of our children and it’s about time someone starts to pay. Kokolette Rita should not have to struggle to speak good English. She should never have been thrown out of school. Nigeria is too wealthy a country to have young beautiful women like Rita who cannot speak Standard English and have no education. Yes, English is our second language but hell, we deserve better.

The word Kokokette is open to a varied number of interpretations and knowing my people, I bet you have young boys who think its now okay to call girls Kokolettes. Sorry, I’m not your Kokolette. To ensure I was not overacting or reading too much into this good comedy, I asked a few male friends what they thought of the whole show, by the way, they are Nigerians and way older than me. One thing was pertinent and for them, it was degrading to women. If the men are saying that, then I rest my case.