MY NIGERIA

Is it the fact that we have one of the best national anthems in the world, which I can no longer remember the words. I know, shame on me but I can't sing ‘God Save The Queen,’ either. But I do I pledge to Nigeria my country.
To be faithful, loyal and honest
To serve Nigeria with all my strength
To defend her unity and uphold her honour and glory
So help me God.

So it’s October 1st and practically everyone’s facebook status is about the fri**ing independence. By now you can tell my patriotism is out the window today. You could say I woke up on the wrong side of the bed. No, I am not angry at the people, whose facebook status is about Nigeria and its independence from colonial masters. I am pi**ed off at the fact that for almost 50 years, we have only had 10 years of civil rule which as things stand, is not civil at all.

It still feels like a dictatorship and the rich are getting richer while the poor wonders when their time to eat will come. We have a lame duck leader, who if I am fair to him tries but his best is just not good let alone good enough. Things are not getting better but worse. Rather than hear about how the president is making things work for the country, all I hear is how Fashola, Lagos State governor is making things better for Lagosians.

So, this is where my gripe begins...I never lived under a civilian government in all the years I was growing up in Nigeria, I know, seek counselling and get over it, right? But that’s not it. It has not left me starving for a perfect government. There is no perfect political party or government. For crying out loud, take a look at Britain’s New Labour, soon to become Old Labour and all their promises when they came into power; 12 years on, you do have to wonder where it all went wrong?

Let’s go one better, take a good look at the good old GOP…better known as the Bitter Republican Party of the United States. Talk about a bunch of sad grumpy old men who have nothing better to do than moan and moan about the fact that they lost the plot. And of course, you look at the leader of the free world, Barack Obama and his change programme, and the efforts being made to destabilise the change he wants to implement by the same people he is trying to lead. Goes to show you can never please mankind. So, don’t bother trying.

However, that is not the case in Nigeria. I am yet to hear of a Nigerian leader who put the needs of his people before his. If they are not busy stealing from us, they are busy killing us. Our current president is referred to as a snail, well, I can’t blame them. I was not born in the 60s but I hear the soldiers took over because they felt the civilian government was mismanaging resources. We will never know the truth because in all my 30 years, all they ever do when they get to power is take, take and take; those who desire to give back or help the people, they ‘waste’ them.

So, its 2009, the ninth year of the new Millennium and the current trend is kidnapping people who may have a penny or two to their names. What's interesting is that some of them have no political history just Nigerians taking their fellow country men for ransom. I wonder why they don't heap the same horseshit on the mugu politicians we have and get them to surrender the money they have been stealing for years. I wonder why IBB or Abacha's family have not felt the wrath of these angry young men. Why take ordinary people who have money, ill-gotten or not?

Education is in shambles. Many students have been waiting to graduate for months but are still waiting on ASUU to end its strike. Or is it the fact that while universities are on strike in Nigeria, the half dead president Umaru Yar’adua flies to Saudi Arabia to open a fri**ing university. If he was not inspired by what he saw to do right by his own people, I guess they have to start praying for the next election to come sooner than later.

Medical care is more like a slaughter house. People go to the hospital to get well but they end up dead because some joker didn’t know what was wrong and rather than tell them the truth, they lie to them in order to get their money and kill them. Knowing full well, no one can bring them to account. Imagine a friend goes for blood transfusion a few weeks back, and ends up infected with Hepatitis C. In addition to suffering from diabetes, he swells up in pain and dies. Though I have been dealt a similar blow when the doctors misdiagnose you and rather than tell you the truth, they sentence you to a life time of medication, hospital visits and surgeries and oh, did I mention the scars. You look in the mirror and you wonder, why me? But the game was on them because I'm not one to sit around feeling sorry for myself. Healthcare has gone from bad to worse.

Let’s not talk about the epidemic of corruption or the very fact that Nigerians have a reputation for being 419ers world over. The guilty and innocent suffer the same fate at airports and immigration offices. You know when you start getting the funny looks and they are looking at each other in recognition of your fraudulent passport be you guilty or not. In fact, you have Nigerians going to China, Bulgaria and Libya. And with all due respect, I mean, with all due respect, they are treated like second class citizens. Based on a recent documentary by Panorama, I saw Nigerians locked up like sardines in jail with men from other nationalities. They talked about being mistreated, I bet the Nigerian government saw it but cannot do a thing about it. Or is it the news story carried by Focus on Africa a few weeks back that some 200 Nigerians were to be executed and the fri**ing Nigerian government is not doing a thing about it. Instead, the silly Nigerian ambassador to Libya said it was not true, they are offering help and branded those who were not getting assistance criminals.

For crying out loud, a young British woman... well she is originally Nigerian but being British saved her life. She was meant to face the gallows a few months back was sent home from Laos because a, she was pregnant and b, the British government helped alongside Human Rights groups. Don’t get me wrong, I do not condole committing crime at home or in a foreign country but when there is harsh treatment, Western countries fight for their citizens but the Nigerian government, you will be lucky if you get a cup of water in a Nigerian jail let alone when you are locked up in a foreign jail.

Bottomline of the matter is that the government is as useless as you can get. What we have is a failed state and it has failed its people over and over. I mean why would anyone pack up and go to China, yes, I know it is a developing economy or go to Bulgaria if the different Nigerian governments, civilian and military in the last forty years used the country’s resources wisely? I bet you, Nigeria might be in the same group known as the BRICS (Brazil, India, China and South Africa) for being developing economies.

And please do not get me started about the level of unemployment. Young men and women graduate from university but have no job prospects. And if they find one, they either get it using their backside or their father pays for them to have a job. Those who get a job without paying for it or sleeping with an asshole are said to be the lucky few. When neither is possible, you have young women turning to prostitution as a way out. Prostitution becomes the way to desperately fulfil their dreams. Desperate Dreams are costly.

People are as poor as you can get. With no jobs and means of making an income, how are they expected to feed their families or pay for medical care? Nigeria is in an appalling state.

But there is also the side of my country I love and appreciate. The culture and traditions of the different tribes, you go to a Nigerian wedding, you might be lucky enough to get a glimpse of what I am talking about.

If anything is thriving at the moment, it is the entertainment industry, though I sometimes think we have lost our way in an ideology that's not original to us. Koko Mansion being the best example I can give. However, I also appreciate the work of Nollywood, good or bad, it makes an effort to tell the stories of ordinary Nigerians, the ones a westerner will hear and say no way, that’s not possible. I dare say, yes way it is possible in Nigeria.

This reminds me of the time I spent in the village while growing up. In fact it gave me some of my best memories. I still remember time spent by the riverside or my journey to the river. Hearing the trees sing and dance and the beautiful gentle breeze that comes with the music, you can’t beat that. The sense of community was and is still very strong. That’s one thing that you can never take away from my people. We help each other though there are also wicked people who do evil things.

I am not saying there is no form of development taking place. It is happening one day at a time but at a heavy cost to the millions of people suffering. This is where I say its time we ask ourselves where we go from here? We are going to be 50 next year, a significant year on the African continent with the World cup and the fact that several other African nations are going to be celebrating five decades of independence.

I think its time we ask ourselves what we are going to do next, continue like this because we think this is what God wants for us? For crying out loud, I am tired of the message that suffering is in the will of God. By all means excuse me on this. I don’t claim to know the whole bible but I know for a fact that there is no place where God condemns Nigeria to eternal suffering. Yes, we should pray Christians and Muslims but hell, I am sick and tired of the lie that the current state of Nigeria is the way God wants it. Its time we ask ourselves serious questions and since the politicians make it a point to make their faith part of their work, the religious leaders in the country need to start asking questions or they too can step aside and let God do his work by himself.

Nigeria and Nigerians have created a world that has different sides to it and they are all very contrasting. But if I come back in another lifetime, I want to be Nigerian. There is a sense of pride I see in my people which despite years of political mayhem, instability, corruption and abuse of power refuses to die. It is that sense of pride that makes us not give up and wherever we find ourselves in the world, we leave a mark. I love my people, I respect my people. I admire our resilience and hunger for success. I want us to do it right and I want us to do with our head held up high.

What Is This Thing Called Marriage? Part 1

Summer is that time of the year when you get all your dresses out, make all the 'make-ables', like a friend would say. And of course work on your dance moves. If you are the bride and groom, great! All attention will be on you on your big day. If you are a bridesmaid or groomsman, you will have to learn to smile form one side of your chin to the other in order to keep looking pretty.

I have always wanted to get married and still do. I know for a fact that I was not called to be celibate. But I hear and see it all the time, those who want to get married but can't meet the right person and those who are married but have moments when they wish they were single again. You can never please man. I wonder what the big man upstairs thinks about our indecisiveness when it comes down to what we really want.

I have never been a bridesmaid and quite honestly, I don't think I want to be one. My chin hurts when I smile a lot. Okay, before you throw stones at me, that was a joke but I happen to be someone who is very conscious of her surronding and people staring at me. So, I prefer being a guest and helping out than being on display.

That aside and back to what this whole drama of marriage is all about. I have had moments when I wanted to cry and indeed I cried because I thought there was something wrong with me and that's why no one has shown interest in that area and by no one, I mean a 'MAN'. Don't get it twisted, I am as heterosexual and straight as you can get. These days, one has to spell things out word for word and after getting a few nasties on a few social newtworking sites I belong to... I want to make it crystal clear, this lady is not interested in other women. Thank you!

So, I am in the middle of a conversation with my friend and the issue of marriage comes up. My friend of course is almost the same age as myself. She has just been to Nigeria and back. So, I teased and asked her if she got herself a man? Her response was no. I told her that was not good enough because these days people go home to get a man or a woman to play the role of husband or wife. Of course we laughed about it and then I proceeded to tell her that my father told me a few weeks ago that he would not mind if I married a man from Pakistan, which we both laughed about. You see, my father's logic is based on the fact that a few years back, a Pakistani doctor was one of the people who saved my life when I was between life and death. That made think and of course I told him that if saving my life is the pre-requisite for marrige, then I will be very nervous and of course my father being himself laughed and I laughed with him. Bless him!

To crown the comedy I was having with this whole issue of marriage, I get this in an email...

"Hello all,

Hope you're well.

I just wanted to gauge interest in a get together I'm thinking of doing...

Thought it would be great to have a ladies' night to get the lowdown on how to find and attract a good man.

:-D

I met Des O Connor recently, who's a dating coach and pitched as the female Hitch, and found him to be very funny, charming, and brimming with ideas. He does home parties where he can give tips, but they cost £10/head and he needs a minimum of 10 people there.

So, I thought he could share his insight and offer us tips. I have a friend who is a MAC make up artist so she can do a makeover for you for £10 if you're interested and if you want to buff your body for that prospective date, then I'll have great offers on Body Shop products. You know then that you can hit a venue immediately afterwards looking too damn good.

:-D

So, what do you think? Would you be interested in attending a dating party at mine? Unfortunately I can't offer you the fine mans afterwards, but at least we'll have the advice and tools to find him!"

I laughed so hard, my neighbours must have thought I had lost the plot. This made me think about how the tables have changed in the 21st century where marriage and relationships are concerned. In my mother's days, the man did all the work and the ladies had to sit pretty and wait to be taken. Now we have dating coach and you name it, every book under the sun about relationship has been written to enable us with the tools for attracting 'The One.'

The game has changed and it is still changing...you have to take into account that men have choices...a lot of them in addition to the very fact that some men...black or white are gay. And you have those who are in prison which will most likely make you not want to give him a chance. Then you look at the facts before you, his education level, how much money he makes and if he can afford to take care of you and the 2.5 kids you are going to have with him. Of course, you will look at the physique stats of tall, dark and handsome and if he is white, tall, tanned and handsome. A friend once that she would not mind buying the guy the shoes and teeth if he had none. And I bet this situation is the same for some men.

But if we are honest with ourselves, all of these requirements are fantasies...that's not to say you will not get what you want but most of the time, I know people who got what they needed where relationships and marriage is concerned and not what they wanted. I can tell you they are happy too. So, we do have to work on our expectations but by no means lower your standards or play anything down. And by that, I mean do not deny who you are, so someone will marry you. If you are more educated than he is, as long as he can handle it and be proud of you, why not? So what if you make more money than he does? Bottomline, you might be the boss at work but at home, you are his lady and like I have heard in the past, 'at home she is my girl.' And of course all of these points are vice versa for the men too. I know men are always supposed to the bread winners of the home and like Steve Harvey said, men like to know that they can provide and protect. Don't ever take away his ability to do that or you are going to have a docile brethen and then start wondering what happened.

The jokes aside, I am finally beginning to understand why a few friends I know used to complain about their parents once they hit 25 heading to the big 30. Now if you are African like me, you know the fact that we put a prize and price tag on marriage. If you are not married by a certain age, you might as well be a leper. Don't get me wrong, attitudes are changing and people are beginning to realise that marriage is not the be all and end all of a man or a woman's life.

There is so much to do, there are people whose lives you can make a difference to, dreams to pursue, visions to accomplish, purpose to fulfill...I could go on and on. But I also know that the desire to share all of your success with someone is just as strong if not stronger. Goodness, there is no need having a mansion for yourself alone. I mean, how many rooms are you going to sleep in? It is annoying eating on your own sometimes...be honest, if you enjoy cooking like I do...there are moments after cooking when I wish there was someone to dish a spoon or two for.

When I started writing this blog entry, it was because I was looking to find answers to the title of my entry. I believe I will find out as I grow and learn more about the subject of marriage. I wish I had all the answers but that would be boring.

To cut a long story short, the key is to keep discovering yourself, get yourself to do things you normally don't do. Doing interesting things make you interesting and every now and gain, reposition yourself in life by taking on a new challenge.

The key to joy does not belong to a man or a woman but belongs to you and it all comes down to what you want out of life. There will be life lessons along the way, some very painful ones, some joyful but if you stay in there and don't give up on life. It will happen. In the mean time, don't put your life on hold. Get up and start living.

Why I Respect Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie

A few weeks back, though it seems like months now, I was at the Southbank for the BBC World Service Book Club with Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie.

It was the first time I had seen her at a live event. She speaks with eloquence and confidence that can only belongs to Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie. Her humility was and is still beyond me. For a writer who has three highly acclaimed books to her name, has won the coveted Orange Prize, has been a fellow at prestigious universities in the US, and her books have been translated into 30 languages, she is very grounded. If you didn't know she was Chimamanda, the author, like we say in Nigeria, you would say her 'Mother raised her well. And yes, she did. And did I add that she has a great sense of humour and describes herself as a ‘happy feminist.’

She shows a depth of gratitude to the people who read her books and still says she counts herself lucky that people will read her books. If it was me, I tell you, CNN is too small to tell the world about myself.

But this is not about me. It is about Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie, an author I have the highest regard and admiration for. I have newspaper cuttings of her from 2008 when she won the Orange Prize. It is on my dream board alongside that of Christine Amanpour of CNN. The first woman I ever saw reporting from a war zone as a child during the first Iraq (Gulf) war. How many of you remember those khaki shirts and combat trousers? That's right. That's the great Ms Amanpour. Subconsciously, I think she is one of the reasons I admired journalism before I ever thought of becoming a journalist. I always wanted to be a criminal lawyer; you know getting the bad guys. But I changed my mind as I believe in the power of words more than I do in the justice system of the world in the 21st century. But there is hope. All men will get what they deserve at the right time, dead or alive. History has been known to do justice to a whole lot of folks and things around us.

Back to Miss Adichie, at the event, she said she is doing what she loves to do. She loves writing and it what she has always wanted to do. It soon dawned on me that she does not say things to score points with people. She says what she believes she needs to say. At 32, that is one heck of a staunch confidence and I throw my hat off to her in salute.

This is where she had me rooting for her all over again though I already like her books and think she is one author Nigeria as a nation will one day acknowledge for reminding us about a part of our history we are so happy and eager to forget, the ‘Biafra War’. For crying out loud, there are a lot of people my age, who have no idea what the war was about but they can tell you about the latest music and fashion trends. Yet, they have no knowledge of their history. She said she is a firm believe that Africa’s history should be written by Africans. I could not agree more. For so long our history has been distorted by lunatics who only spent two weeks in Africa and all of a sudden, they are African experts. I won’t mention names but you all know who you are.

This is not to take away from great historians and writers who have written about Africa but Africa has great stories that needs to be told, yet no one is telling it like we would like it told. Hence, let’s start telling our own stories after all, we have the unadulterated copyright to it. It is all around us, our parents know them and so do our grandparents. When was the last time you sat at the feet of an elder to hear an oral story? We need to go back to those fun times and learn about King Ododuwa, the great Jaja of Opobo, Oba Ovorame Nogbasi, who was exiled and deported to Calabar from the Ancient Benin Kingdom when the Europeans came to Benin or should I say when they tried to take over and he was having none of it. That’s right, never mess with a Benin man, he will cut you up.

She is not afraid or reserved about the truth. I mean how many authors will you hear say, Nigeria’s history is fractured? Well, with the exception of Wole Soyinka and Chinua Achebe. Or tell you straight up that she is not interested in telling propaganda stories and does believe that it is the work of fiction to be objective.

But I think this is where I have the utmost level of respect for her. Reading her books, I have noticed she does not shy away from calling her characters some strong Igbo names, you know the type you pull yourself together before saying a word. Some sentences/lines are even written in Igbo. For me, that’s a woman who is proud of her heritage. For someone who started writing at such a young age and thought writing about white folks was the way but soon changed her mind after reading ‘Things Fall Apart’ by one of Nigeria’s best authors, Chinua Achebe. It is cool to write about Africans and tell African stories.

‘Purple Hibiscus’ was a very moving story on different levels, ‘Half Of A Yellow Sun’ was a multi-layered book full of history and ‘The Thing around Your Neck’ is a collection of short stories which again depict Nigeria and Nigerians at their best and at their worst. But the humour is great. Once again, Adichie reminds us every now and again about the place where her writing started, the university of Nsukka. It is a place that features in her work. I think that is what heritage does to you. When you know who you are and you are proud of your roots, then the stories that come out of you reflect that you know who you are better than the world who tries to define you with a few boxes asking if you are Black British or Black African.

I remember being at University and reading books by African-American authors but had a university acquaintance who read books by British and other European authors. I used to think I was missing out on something and that it was un-cool to read books by African and African-American authors. So, I went out and bought books by Diane Atkinson among others. Please, don’t get me wrong, she is a great author and I respect her for her body of work. That was my secret but not anymore because these days, most of the books I read are by African authors. I’m hungry for their books and I have promised myself that for the next two to three years, that’s all I am going to do. That’s not to say I won’t read books by writers from the West or from others parts of the world. On my books to read list are plays by Tennessee Williams, ‘A Street Car Named Desire’ is at the very top that list. In fact it is starring at me as I type away. Then there are some fine books by authors like Elizabeth Noble, 'Things I want My Daughters To Know,’ Elizabeth Gilbert has a new book coming in August and after ‘Eat, Pray Love,’ you must really hate reading to miss her books.

So, I’m not boxing myself up but I plan to immerse myself in African literature like never before because it is about time I read about my own people and gain a better knowledge of our stories; be it from North, South, West or Eats Africa. I have never read anything by Ngugi Wa Thiong’o but will do so for the first time later this year with ‘A Grain Of Wheat,’ to be followed-up next year with ‘Petals Of Blood.’

For the books, the good stories, the humility and the good sense of humour, thank you Miss Adichie and for being a proud Nigerian/African writer. Keep them rolling because we are going to keep reading them.

Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie's website

Image of Author by Beowulf Sheehan Photograpghy and it was taken from Google.

I'M NOT YOUR KOKOLETTE.

“You cannot write with your hands chained.” Helon Habila.

When I first heard about KOKO Mansion, I had to know what it was all about and why so many people thought it was a good laugh. Without a doubt, it is a good laugh. After all, our ability to laugh at ourselves served as a good source of comic relief during decades of brutal military rule. We called IBB Maradona for his ability to wiggle his way out of tight situations and he is still the butt of jokes for a number of comedians. Why the hell not? Today, it is fair to argue that we have become somewhat desensitized to a lot of bullsh*t that otherwise would not have been okay some decades ago. But guess what, we can still joke about it and we even have comedy nights dedicated to it, all in the name of not taking ourselves too seriously.

That's what happens when you have liberty. However, I wonder if our liberty is helping us because we seem to accept the unacceptable in the name of liberty and refuse to take action for the real liberty that we have a right to as Nigerians. We excuse a few things in the name of catching up with the West but its okay, we are developing. Don’t get me wrong, I respect the way we have moved up the ladder in a whole lot of things. I mean we have world class writers, winning The Orange Prize, The Caine Prize and others who are doing great things. We have a generation who is hungry for success and hustling to do whatever it takes to make it happen. Though it breaks your heart to see what some are doing but what choice have they got when there is no support network to make it happen.

Before I continue, you are more than welcome to call me an arm chair critic, I mean, Wole Soyinka gets it everyday but that has not stopped the creative spirit in him or his ability to be vocal. I believe he recently categorised democracy in Nigeria as lacking. Though not his exact words but the man still tells it like it is. Take it or leave it.

Back to the issue with KOKO Mansion, I am not a big fan of reality TV but I have given some thought to the whole idea and I am tempted to say… in fact, I’ll say this. It serves the purpose of keeping people entertained if this is your idea of entertainment. Second, it sure helps to keep the man in whose name it has been created on our minds, record sales and popularity soaring. And of course, the ratings for the channel on which it is been shown are going to go through the roof. It is going around the world and you have people in London talking about with the help of cable TV, what more could you ask for?

That said, what I can’t understand is the reason we think that getting a group of women into one house and creating an all ‘Female’ version of ‘Big Brother’ is a great idea that would revolutionise the way we view television in Nigeria.

Now let’s take a look at the name, KOKO Mansion and the ladies or should I say girls are called Kokolettes. Right there, they have been commodified and for the rest of their lives, there is a big possibility that they will remain commodities owned by the Nigerian media. Then you take a look at the prize the winner stands to take home and you are tempted to say, wow! Which for a lot of people is indeed wow? Otherwise, how else will they ever get such an opportunity to acquire the things on offer? But the biggest game prize on offer is EXPOSURE. Damn it, these girls are smart. And I might not like the show but I respect their savviness to recognise opportunity when they see it because they are taking it with both hands and milking it for all that it is. ‘Their mama born them well jare!’

Out of curiosity, I have become a fan on facebook and was reading through the different comments of other fans. Some have gone to great lengths to prove their point; others have become rather rude and obnoxious, which in my opinion is uncalled for. Let everybody express their views without suppressing it with yours. And some people have taken it rather personally but the comment which stood out and got my attention was one made by a lady who said, ‘If it was a white man behind this show, we Nigerians would say it is great and support it.’ That I am afraid is true to a certain degree. I’m afraid the mentality which dictates a white man might be better at something still persists in our society. If you don’t believe me, bid for a contract and let a white man also put in a bid and then wait and see who will get it. You all know I am not off the mark on that one. It has happened so many times that we are now used to it because we think, they will do it better. No disrespect intended at any race, just being honest and you know that’s how it is.

When I got to the fan page, I had a good look at the pictures and when I got to the album of the press briefing, felt really sick. It was all men sitting at the table answering questions. Talk about a bunch of f***ing chauvinistic a** holes…and then you take a look at the marketing images and that tells you what these a**holes think women are. (Pardon the Frenchies but that’s how the words flowing right now and my hands can’t be tied)

Then you move on to read the profiles of the contestants and you can see we have come to define success as being famous and the best way to get it is through notoriety or any which way possible. No matter how bad or the means involved. Reuben Abati was not off the mark after all with his article, ‘A Nation's Identity Crisis.’ Brother was on point because he said it all. You might not agree with him but the symptoms on display corroborate his point. And I have a strong feeling that people missed his point and that’s why they all got worked up about it.

Some of the contestants have said they came there for the exposure not the money. At least they are honest and three Kokolettes have made it clear that their ambition is to be in the entertainment industry and be media moguls but no one is as blunt as Kokolette Chioma. Chioma is described as a talented musician who has no time to disguise her motivation for participation on the show. “I’m here for the money, because when I get the money, I’ll be able to produce my songs, and the popularity will help too, because for you to succeed in the entertainment business, you need to be known,” she says. Hell she is right? Being a dumb a** won’t get you far.

Before we continue, take a look at kokolette Victoria, she has a lot of dreams and girl, keep dreaming because that’s a lifeline you have going for you already. But her dream includes running a successful travel agency, producing international standard movies, and owning a video-vixen agency. Let’s stop right there.

You and I know one of the most famous video-vixens the world of hip-hop has given to us to date is none other than… Karrine Steffans and that I would have to say ‘MBA’ better explained as HELL NO. That is not a dream but license to open a prostitution centre with scantily clad ladies as the ultimate prize. Why do you have to think taking your clothes off with the men fully clothed and then shaking your two cents booties and titties is the best way to make a living? Now I know it pays the bills and gets you noticed but you and I know full well, our parents had rather be dead before they see that happen. Well, some of them…All the same, that is no dream. We are better than that. Its her dream and I have no right to deny her but come on people, we are a society with cultures and traditions and a lady who smokes is still considered a prostitute in some cultures, let a lone one who decides to put her titties and booties on public display.

But this is what pained me the most, watching and listening to Kokolette Rita, who finds it very challenging to string a few sentences together. Her profile reads, “I came here because I want to get exposure, not necessarily because of the money, because if I represent myself well, the future will give me more money than the prize money.”

And it is because of Rita that I felt compelled to write this piece. It would be so easy to laugh at her inability to string a few sentences together after watching a video of her presentation. But then you read her profile and get to this, “I can prove myself as a woman because I know my left from my right.” You see, Rita’s ambition according to her profile was inspired by an emotionally daunting experience a few years ago, when she was sent packing from school for her parents inability to pay her school fees – as she remembers, her dad was broke, and the rich folks she knew berated her for being poor instead of helping her with the required sum to pay her school fees – that incident introduced her to how cold the world was to the poor. “It was after this incident that I swore to myself that I was going to succeed in life.” who wouldn’t make that vow when you have hot tears streaming down your face and you have been given a coat of shame you have no control over or the ability to shake off. But she is trying desperately to shake it off. She is and for that, I am tempted to say ‘Come on Rita, go on, give it your best shot’ though we all know, she stands little or no chance of winning but then again, never judge a book by its cover.

This reminds me of a new book by Chika Unigwe, ‘On Black Sisters' Street,’ where she takes a look at the lives of Nigerian prostitutes in Belgium. In an interview with BBC World Service, she talks about the fact that she was shocked to discover a large population of the prostitutes in Antwep, Belgium were Nigerians. That was back in 1995 and today is no shocking news.

Therefore I agree with her that the current state of things calls for the government to be indicted and I would like to add that they be should be indicted for treason. They have betrayed our trust and confidence for too long, taken away the future of our children and it’s about time someone starts to pay. Kokolette Rita should not have to struggle to speak good English. She should never have been thrown out of school. Nigeria is too wealthy a country to have young beautiful women like Rita who cannot speak Standard English and have no education. Yes, English is our second language but hell, we deserve better.

The word Kokokette is open to a varied number of interpretations and knowing my people, I bet you have young boys who think its now okay to call girls Kokolettes. Sorry, I’m not your Kokolette. To ensure I was not overacting or reading too much into this good comedy, I asked a few male friends what they thought of the whole show, by the way, they are Nigerians and way older than me. One thing was pertinent and for them, it was degrading to women. If the men are saying that, then I rest my case.

Getting On With The Business Of LIfe

Dear Belinda,

I am writing to you this day because I am sick and tired of what you are doing to yourself. You are so much better than this and bigger than the situation. How dare you let one circumstance get to you so bad that you can longer think and fight the way you have always fought. How dare you forget that within you is the Amazonian strength you are known for? How dare you waste precious time on things that are not productive and then moan that you are lacking behind?

Belinda, I am writing to you on behalf of myself and I double dare you to stop sleeping, wake up, get on with the business of life and get on with the dream because no one is going to make it happen for you.

Please read the next lines below because I have thought deep and hard before I started writing and I know you will find the strength to look yourself in the mirror and admit that you need to wake up from that slumber and get working again.

Interests make you interesting and when you have no interest, you cannot be interesting. Develop some personal interest. A good lesson I learnt today from listening to TD Jakes.

You can develop interest if you find that you don't have any. Just take up a hobby dear. It will be good for you. The same way you develop an interest is the same way you should get on with the business of life.

The last three months have been challenging for me mentally because I found myself at the crossroad of life where I have had to do a lot of soul searching and ask myself a lot of questions. The questions that if others asked me, I would throw a feat and get all worked up, might not even speak to them again. But you know what? I had to ask those hard hitting questions because if I don't ask myself, who will ask me?

In less than a month's time, I will hit that number which makes you think, what have I done with my life and what am I going to do from this point onwards?

I have been telling people since January 2009 that I was 30 years old. In fact even before January for the very fact that I have been looking forward to 30. It is an achievement for me for a whole lot of reasons. The foremost thing being that I am here against medical odds, living, loving and kicking it. (Kicking it but not in that sense y’all)

I have been looking forward to 30 because I have a lot of things I want to do with my life. I have a career to forge, plays, poetry and books to write and stories to tell, get married, have children, build a home, support my husband and bless those around me. I want to reach out to my generation and a whole lot of people by doing the right things and helping others. I find joy in being there for someone and I am passionate about teenagers. I have a number of them as my babies.

However, in the last three months that I have been down in heart and spirit and feeling sorry for myself. I have not done as much as I should. So, I have been doing a lot of searching within me to find me again. So, I started asking the hard questions which I needed to ask.

Guess what the first question was, Belinda do you think you are lazy? My response... yes, I can be lazy sometimes...is that acceptable? No, not when I have a vision, a goal and a purpose to fulfil and dreams to make happen.

Belinda, do you procrastinate? Yes, I do sometimes and keep saying tomorrow when I can do what needs to be done right now. Belinda, is that acceptable? No, what are you going to do about it? I am going to start doing what I need to do and when I need to do them. Belinda promised herself that she was going to stop doing the wrong things at the right time and the right thing at the wrong time.

Am I allowing myself to become intoxicated with the wrong emotion? Yes, I have let myself get to that point where the negative emotions of my present circumstance get the better of me. I forgot about my previous achievements and my future plans and I got stuck in the moment that I didn't have or didn't get what I wanted.

I let myself get carried away by yawning and getting hungry for things which their season in my life is yet to come. You know they say, your memories can either make you or break you. I want my memories to make me and not break me.

It hasn’t all been bad…as I am quite hard on myself and so expect a lot from myself. I have been getting commissions and writing features, worked on a radio package, worked in a news room, made the finals of a bursary scheme though I didn’t get the bursary. Not because I was a bad interviewee, in fact I was a good interviewee and so they thought I did not need the bursary and others needed it more than I did.

I admit... it knocked me for six. I cried but in the words of my mentor, so, it didn’t happen the way you wanted it to, move on to the next task. Waking up with palpitations and killing myself for what, a bursary that I was not going to get, Belinda, you know better and your life trajectory is not based on a bursary.

I know I am worth more than meets the eye and I am valuable. So, I must sit and plan all over. And this takes me back to the questions I asked myself at the beginning of this entry. Am I lazy? I said sometimes and what am I going to do about that? Admitting it is the first step because what you don’t confront, you cannot deal with it.

Do I procrastinate? Yes and what do I plan to do about that from now on? Do what needs to be done and at the right time.

Do I plan on having fun? Oh, hell yes, I plan to do that and much more. If I am going to get on with the business of life, then I must balance it out.

So, how do I plan on getting on with the business of life? By strategising, planning and giving myself a defined direction. It isn’t that I never had that…I have always had a focus and a direction. I know what I want out of life and what I want to do with my life. However, I made plans for this season of my life around a few things and now that that is not the case, I need to re-plan and make life work for me. It is ever so true that there is a time and season for everything and life is indeed a cycle of seasons.

Belinda promises herself to be good, disciplined, and diligent and do her work. Belinda promises to send the emails which need to go out, call the people she needs to call, read the books she needs to read, write the features that won’t write themselves and above all, get back to the board with my creative writing and start writing again. I have started doing that I must be honest; I need to do more writing. My blogs need to be updated and I need to revisit my plan for a business of my own.

Here is to the business of getting on with life as it should be.

From Belinda to me, myself and I.

Regards

Belinda

How far Is Too far?

No news is good news but there comes a time when one has to question the sanity of the society we live in. I picked up the newspaper this morning and the first thing that caught my attention was the fact that our government is making proposals for abortions to be carried out by GPs.

I admit, I felt sick and angry. Angry because our babies are having babies and now we want to make it easier for them to go out, get laid and get rid of it. Don't get me wrong, there are those who say they do it for legitimate reasons and I am not here to question right or worng. That's not to say I sanction abortion. I am dead against it. However, there are cases where individuals felt they had no choice. I am not heartless to the extent where I won't understand when a woman who has been raped by a stranger says she can't stand to keep a baby conceived in the most terrifying hours of her life. It certainly isn't my place to judge.

But there comes a time when we have to draw the line somewhere. It was okay when it was legalised, we thought it would end there. Just how far are we going to go before we realise we are making laws and allowing things that are not helpful but rather harmful. Making it so easy means there are lives at risk, what happens when things go wrong? There are doctors accordinbg to the news stories in the papers today, who are concerned about this.

Is this what we elected this government for? To take us from bad to worse. Forgive me once again because I'm from the old school of life and I will not apologise for it. We make it easy for our children to get guns and knives, and what did we end up with, a spree of knife and gun crimes. When we decided certain drugs were no longer Class A drugs, we made more junkies out of our citizens.

These laws are introduced to make things better but I for one, am yet to see any changes. Is it me or is there anyone else out there, who thinks its time to get back to the basics of what makes us a society? Doing what is right, so our future generations can emulate the trend. Right now we are perpetuating a generational genocide in the name of a free society but are we really free or have we become slaves to the liberation we claim to have?

It isn't until people kill each other for the sake of superiority over each other that we have a genocide in our hands. It starts with the daily decisions we are making as a nation that is gradually leading us down the path of what will claim lives if care is not taken.

There are different stages of abrotion and when a doctor is allowed to carry out one but when its now okay to walk into your local GP surgery and get one, then something has definitely gone wrong somewhere. It is even worse when you realise that the highest rate of abortion carried out in 2005 was among 19 year olds. That ought to make the heart of any mother bleed because they most likely had no say in the decision making process. Yes, a 19 year old is an adult but your baby will always be your baby and no matter how much you let go, you still want to protect them. Does a 19yr old woman fully understand the impact of her actions, the possibility of the guilt and shame and not to mention, the emptiness and loneliness she will feel afterwards?

This madness has got to stop. A free society is great but when that same free society becomes a slave of freedom, then we have a major problem.

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