It Happened In My Lifetime - Stepping Out on A Wing and A Prayer.

A few months back, my contract at the place where I worked ended. I know anyone would kill to work at the BBC right? Even take whatever you are given, just so, you can say I work at the BBC. Don't get me wrong, it is a good learning ground and I learnt so much in the space of time I was in there. In fact, I made sure that I got as much out of it like I put into it.

But when the contract ended and the prospect of a new job was not offering itself, I asked around as to what was available. Of course, getting shifts was the most feasible option to go for, which I did get some and loved the experience and hope to get some more.

However, there was another role which was just not for me. I thought about it, weighed it up, spoke to my mentor. Now this should make you laugh, she knows me so well, she said, if you take that, you are going to be depressed and I don't want you to go silent on me.

I happen to be one of those people, whose mind works faster than their body can keep-up with and if I am doing something I am not passionate about, I get depressed. The role that was on offer was such that when it was being pitched to me, I was told, I'm sure we can find a way to pay you. A kind offer but it was not journalism related. I studied and trained to be a journalist. That is all I dream of and of course other things I would like to do with my life. I can’t quantify the joy that bubbles in my soul when I see my name in print.

Now please, don’t get me wrong and I say this with all due respect...after a degree, a postgrad and spending 3 years gaining work experience...that did not sound very attractive to me.

However I was also scared. I was afraid that I won't have a job, afraid that I’ll no longer be able to say, I work at the BBC and people would be like oh! I was afraid of what I would live on and how I would survive. I was afraid that the cushion of being a student was not there for me to fall back on. I was afraid bottom-line because the world was in a recession and here I am, leaving my first full time job after studies.

But I knew that if I settled for anything because it’s better than nothing, that would kill me faster than being jobless. So, I decided, we are going to give freelance a try and see how it goes. After all, I was doing that as a student in order to build my portfolio and I had learnt some good lessons along the way. This was in addition to the fact that I had built some good contacts and still building my contacts list.

And my world is the ‘freelance world’ scary. Editors have so many people to deal with; they might not get back to you for days and some might not get back to you at all. The chasing up and the most despondent of them all, the 'NO' that you get after five emails got to me. I felt undervalued and unimportant.

But the breakthrough came and it came one day at a time. It has not been easy, there have been tears and days when I locked myself away and didn't want to talk to a soul.
Days when Facebook became my escape route from dealing with the reality, days when the disparity between the vision and dream I carry inside me was so different to the reality of my present time and days when I cried until I could cry no more and my salty tears tasted comforting to me, days when I could not express what I felt because my soul was hurt by life's fair share and my spirit was really angry and wanted to beat up on life for being so unfair.

But then the morning of each day brought a new challenge, pitch an idea, wait and see...lately it has been better. The ideas are working and the platform to be a journalist is trickling in and I am doing a variation of things...challenging myself and my own intellect. I'm writing for publications whose ethos I believe in and admire a lot and can be picked up in different countries around the globe.

But this blog is because some of the things that may never have happened to me if I had stayed at the BBC with the job that was available at the time are happening.

It was the 25th anniversary of Wasafiri, a magazine of international contemporary writing and I took myself along to the Southbank. I went as an audience member and a journalist. And in my life time, I interviewed Ngugi wa Thiong'o and Kiran Desai and the editor of Wasafiri. Susheila Nasta.

If someone had told me that week that in one day, one email would give me access to two of literature luminaries, I would have said ‘No way, get out of town.’ But it happened to me and it happened in my lifetime. And I am very glad I stepped out on a wing and a prayer though fear sat deep down in my heart and there are days when I am still scared because I have no idea when the next commission will come through my inbox.

But If I had stayed in there just because I wanted to be able to say I work at the BBC, it may never have happened. This is not to say I would turn down a job at the BBC. I would give it great thought and if the shoe fits, wear it the right way. But for now, I would like this road of a wing and a prayer to take me places I never dreamt possible and open doors I never thought would open.

The unknown is scary but once you start on the journey of the unknown, you do learn a lot and the unknown becomes the known. It happened in my lifetime and I am still stepping out on a wing and a prayer.

Image: Google Images...

A Despondent Soul

I have often heard about people who committed suicide and I would get angry that they did that to themselves and didn't think of those they were leaving behind. I was so judgemental and I once commented that maybe there should be a public service where if you are feeling suicidal, you would go there, donate your organs and then ended it if you really wanted to.

But When I was on the receiving end of the very thoughts people who had taken their own lives may have experienced and didn't know how they were going to get out of it. I finally understood what it felt like to be backed in a corner and not have much to say in your own defence against your own thoughts.

I never thought it would be me. I am better and stronger than that. But in those few minutes and hours when my mind became so powerful and my will fighting to be heard, I learnt that people who take their own lives do so for many reasons. I am not excusing suicide and never will. But I think I'm beginning to understand the mind is one of the most powerful machines in the world. Not the ones we as men create but the very one that embodies our character, personality, dreams and aspirations; the very fibre of what holds us up and together when the going gets tough.

Next time, you hear that someone took their own life; before you get angry and judgemental, say a prayer for them and their loved ones. It is not easy to shake off despair and some people are not wired to handle it very well.

Image: Waves Of Despair Regina Lafay (http://survivorart.com/lobby.html)/Google

Not Another Decade of Skinny Africans

Last week, in fact, allow me to be precise. It was 22 October and I was watching ABC News with Charles Gibson. I have to tell you, I love me some Charlie. He has a sense of humour, well...a little and the way he ends the news programme is forever ingrained in my memory. He is about to retire and I wonder what I am going to do without Charlie.

But what stood out on the news agenda for the night was the fact that Ethiopia was once again struggling to feed its own people. Earlier in the day, I had read reports on the BBC News website and that the Ethiopian government and aid agencies were calling on the international community for help in order to avert another bout of famine.

I have to be honest that fear hit me like a boxer would hit a punch bag while practising. The images on the screen changed and all I saw was tiny little children like the ones we have all become so familiar with. The images that many would argue have come to define Africa. The ones the media just love to show, over and over to make the whole continent look like we are all starving. You know the ones I am talking about, the ones from 1984.

And I was worried. Worried that just when we are finally getting to the point of realisation that its time we tell our own stories and not allow others do the job for us, the trouble that might be bigger than us is about to unleash itself and invite the outside world to the masquerade dance of hunger; a dance that might leave another decade of images full of skinny Africans with their ribs showing like they are about to break. Another decade of Live Aid concerts to raise money for Africa, another decade of aid dependency, another decade of self-pity...another decade of trying very hard to re-brand ourselves. It will be another decade of heartache and pain for those affected by this new threat of hunger and famine. And these are the people we need to turn our attention to and ask why this is happening again?

The number one culprit at the moment and this is not me talking. This is what everyone is blaming…climate change. So, this is where I ask, Ethiopia is not one of the richest nations in the world and so does not produce the same amount of waste that goes into the atmosphere which in turn affects the world’s ever changing climate like a few countries I don’t want to bother my fingers and type their names. Why is Ethiopia bearing the brunt of the actions of those across the ocean?

Let’s not forget the issue of poor harvest and of course drought which some say is linked to the challenges imposed by climate change. Ethiopia is growing in population but does not have the social infrastructure to take care of its own citizens. And that is a scary thought just like it is with a number of African countries.

We cannot forget the way the nation is governed either and how this has contributed to the problems which just seem to compound year in and year out. Again, it is the same with a number of African countries. Hence, the question remains, what can we do to avert another decade of skinny Africans gracing the screen of every western media news programme you can think of like a cover girl graces the front of a magazine?

For me and I speak and write as an individual who hates to see other people suffering, how are we going to get Ethiopia to that place where it can take care of its own and provide for them? I admit I don’t want those images becoming what defines Africa again but I also want my fellow Africans to survive.

Image: ICONARCHIVE

MY NIGERIA

Is it the fact that we have one of the best national anthems in the world, which I can no longer remember the words. I know, shame on me but I can't sing ‘God Save The Queen,’ either. But I do I pledge to Nigeria my country.
To be faithful, loyal and honest
To serve Nigeria with all my strength
To defend her unity and uphold her honour and glory
So help me God.

So it’s October 1st and practically everyone’s facebook status is about the fri**ing independence. By now you can tell my patriotism is out the window today. You could say I woke up on the wrong side of the bed. No, I am not angry at the people, whose facebook status is about Nigeria and its independence from colonial masters. I am pi**ed off at the fact that for almost 50 years, we have only had 10 years of civil rule which as things stand, is not civil at all.

It still feels like a dictatorship and the rich are getting richer while the poor wonders when their time to eat will come. We have a lame duck leader, who if I am fair to him tries but his best is just not good let alone good enough. Things are not getting better but worse. Rather than hear about how the president is making things work for the country, all I hear is how Fashola, Lagos State governor is making things better for Lagosians.

So, this is where my gripe begins...I never lived under a civilian government in all the years I was growing up in Nigeria, I know, seek counselling and get over it, right? But that’s not it. It has not left me starving for a perfect government. There is no perfect political party or government. For crying out loud, take a look at Britain’s New Labour, soon to become Old Labour and all their promises when they came into power; 12 years on, you do have to wonder where it all went wrong?

Let’s go one better, take a good look at the good old GOP…better known as the Bitter Republican Party of the United States. Talk about a bunch of sad grumpy old men who have nothing better to do than moan and moan about the fact that they lost the plot. And of course, you look at the leader of the free world, Barack Obama and his change programme, and the efforts being made to destabilise the change he wants to implement by the same people he is trying to lead. Goes to show you can never please mankind. So, don’t bother trying.

However, that is not the case in Nigeria. I am yet to hear of a Nigerian leader who put the needs of his people before his. If they are not busy stealing from us, they are busy killing us. Our current president is referred to as a snail, well, I can’t blame them. I was not born in the 60s but I hear the soldiers took over because they felt the civilian government was mismanaging resources. We will never know the truth because in all my 30 years, all they ever do when they get to power is take, take and take; those who desire to give back or help the people, they ‘waste’ them.

So, its 2009, the ninth year of the new Millennium and the current trend is kidnapping people who may have a penny or two to their names. What's interesting is that some of them have no political history just Nigerians taking their fellow country men for ransom. I wonder why they don't heap the same horseshit on the mugu politicians we have and get them to surrender the money they have been stealing for years. I wonder why IBB or Abacha's family have not felt the wrath of these angry young men. Why take ordinary people who have money, ill-gotten or not?

Education is in shambles. Many students have been waiting to graduate for months but are still waiting on ASUU to end its strike. Or is it the fact that while universities are on strike in Nigeria, the half dead president Umaru Yar’adua flies to Saudi Arabia to open a fri**ing university. If he was not inspired by what he saw to do right by his own people, I guess they have to start praying for the next election to come sooner than later.

Medical care is more like a slaughter house. People go to the hospital to get well but they end up dead because some joker didn’t know what was wrong and rather than tell them the truth, they lie to them in order to get their money and kill them. Knowing full well, no one can bring them to account. Imagine a friend goes for blood transfusion a few weeks back, and ends up infected with Hepatitis C. In addition to suffering from diabetes, he swells up in pain and dies. Though I have been dealt a similar blow when the doctors misdiagnose you and rather than tell you the truth, they sentence you to a life time of medication, hospital visits and surgeries and oh, did I mention the scars. You look in the mirror and you wonder, why me? But the game was on them because I'm not one to sit around feeling sorry for myself. Healthcare has gone from bad to worse.

Let’s not talk about the epidemic of corruption or the very fact that Nigerians have a reputation for being 419ers world over. The guilty and innocent suffer the same fate at airports and immigration offices. You know when you start getting the funny looks and they are looking at each other in recognition of your fraudulent passport be you guilty or not. In fact, you have Nigerians going to China, Bulgaria and Libya. And with all due respect, I mean, with all due respect, they are treated like second class citizens. Based on a recent documentary by Panorama, I saw Nigerians locked up like sardines in jail with men from other nationalities. They talked about being mistreated, I bet the Nigerian government saw it but cannot do a thing about it. Or is it the news story carried by Focus on Africa a few weeks back that some 200 Nigerians were to be executed and the fri**ing Nigerian government is not doing a thing about it. Instead, the silly Nigerian ambassador to Libya said it was not true, they are offering help and branded those who were not getting assistance criminals.

For crying out loud, a young British woman... well she is originally Nigerian but being British saved her life. She was meant to face the gallows a few months back was sent home from Laos because a, she was pregnant and b, the British government helped alongside Human Rights groups. Don’t get me wrong, I do not condole committing crime at home or in a foreign country but when there is harsh treatment, Western countries fight for their citizens but the Nigerian government, you will be lucky if you get a cup of water in a Nigerian jail let alone when you are locked up in a foreign jail.

Bottomline of the matter is that the government is as useless as you can get. What we have is a failed state and it has failed its people over and over. I mean why would anyone pack up and go to China, yes, I know it is a developing economy or go to Bulgaria if the different Nigerian governments, civilian and military in the last forty years used the country’s resources wisely? I bet you, Nigeria might be in the same group known as the BRICS (Brazil, India, China and South Africa) for being developing economies.

And please do not get me started about the level of unemployment. Young men and women graduate from university but have no job prospects. And if they find one, they either get it using their backside or their father pays for them to have a job. Those who get a job without paying for it or sleeping with an asshole are said to be the lucky few. When neither is possible, you have young women turning to prostitution as a way out. Prostitution becomes the way to desperately fulfil their dreams. Desperate Dreams are costly.

People are as poor as you can get. With no jobs and means of making an income, how are they expected to feed their families or pay for medical care? Nigeria is in an appalling state.

But there is also the side of my country I love and appreciate. The culture and traditions of the different tribes, you go to a Nigerian wedding, you might be lucky enough to get a glimpse of what I am talking about.

If anything is thriving at the moment, it is the entertainment industry, though I sometimes think we have lost our way in an ideology that's not original to us. Koko Mansion being the best example I can give. However, I also appreciate the work of Nollywood, good or bad, it makes an effort to tell the stories of ordinary Nigerians, the ones a westerner will hear and say no way, that’s not possible. I dare say, yes way it is possible in Nigeria.

This reminds me of the time I spent in the village while growing up. In fact it gave me some of my best memories. I still remember time spent by the riverside or my journey to the river. Hearing the trees sing and dance and the beautiful gentle breeze that comes with the music, you can’t beat that. The sense of community was and is still very strong. That’s one thing that you can never take away from my people. We help each other though there are also wicked people who do evil things.

I am not saying there is no form of development taking place. It is happening one day at a time but at a heavy cost to the millions of people suffering. This is where I say its time we ask ourselves where we go from here? We are going to be 50 next year, a significant year on the African continent with the World cup and the fact that several other African nations are going to be celebrating five decades of independence.

I think its time we ask ourselves what we are going to do next, continue like this because we think this is what God wants for us? For crying out loud, I am tired of the message that suffering is in the will of God. By all means excuse me on this. I don’t claim to know the whole bible but I know for a fact that there is no place where God condemns Nigeria to eternal suffering. Yes, we should pray Christians and Muslims but hell, I am sick and tired of the lie that the current state of Nigeria is the way God wants it. Its time we ask ourselves serious questions and since the politicians make it a point to make their faith part of their work, the religious leaders in the country need to start asking questions or they too can step aside and let God do his work by himself.

Nigeria and Nigerians have created a world that has different sides to it and they are all very contrasting. But if I come back in another lifetime, I want to be Nigerian. There is a sense of pride I see in my people which despite years of political mayhem, instability, corruption and abuse of power refuses to die. It is that sense of pride that makes us not give up and wherever we find ourselves in the world, we leave a mark. I love my people, I respect my people. I admire our resilience and hunger for success. I want us to do it right and I want us to do with our head held up high.

Why I Respect Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie

A few weeks back, though it seems like months now, I was at the Southbank for the BBC World Service Book Club with Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie.

It was the first time I had seen her at a live event. She speaks with eloquence and confidence that can only belongs to Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie. Her humility was and is still beyond me. For a writer who has three highly acclaimed books to her name, has won the coveted Orange Prize, has been a fellow at prestigious universities in the US, and her books have been translated into 30 languages, she is very grounded. If you didn't know she was Chimamanda, the author, like we say in Nigeria, you would say her 'Mother raised her well. And yes, she did. And did I add that she has a great sense of humour and describes herself as a ‘happy feminist.’

She shows a depth of gratitude to the people who read her books and still says she counts herself lucky that people will read her books. If it was me, I tell you, CNN is too small to tell the world about myself.

But this is not about me. It is about Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie, an author I have the highest regard and admiration for. I have newspaper cuttings of her from 2008 when she won the Orange Prize. It is on my dream board alongside that of Christine Amanpour of CNN. The first woman I ever saw reporting from a war zone as a child during the first Iraq (Gulf) war. How many of you remember those khaki shirts and combat trousers? That's right. That's the great Ms Amanpour. Subconsciously, I think she is one of the reasons I admired journalism before I ever thought of becoming a journalist. I always wanted to be a criminal lawyer; you know getting the bad guys. But I changed my mind as I believe in the power of words more than I do in the justice system of the world in the 21st century. But there is hope. All men will get what they deserve at the right time, dead or alive. History has been known to do justice to a whole lot of folks and things around us.

Back to Miss Adichie, at the event, she said she is doing what she loves to do. She loves writing and it what she has always wanted to do. It soon dawned on me that she does not say things to score points with people. She says what she believes she needs to say. At 32, that is one heck of a staunch confidence and I throw my hat off to her in salute.

This is where she had me rooting for her all over again though I already like her books and think she is one author Nigeria as a nation will one day acknowledge for reminding us about a part of our history we are so happy and eager to forget, the ‘Biafra War’. For crying out loud, there are a lot of people my age, who have no idea what the war was about but they can tell you about the latest music and fashion trends. Yet, they have no knowledge of their history. She said she is a firm believe that Africa’s history should be written by Africans. I could not agree more. For so long our history has been distorted by lunatics who only spent two weeks in Africa and all of a sudden, they are African experts. I won’t mention names but you all know who you are.

This is not to take away from great historians and writers who have written about Africa but Africa has great stories that needs to be told, yet no one is telling it like we would like it told. Hence, let’s start telling our own stories after all, we have the unadulterated copyright to it. It is all around us, our parents know them and so do our grandparents. When was the last time you sat at the feet of an elder to hear an oral story? We need to go back to those fun times and learn about King Ododuwa, the great Jaja of Opobo, Oba Ovorame Nogbasi, who was exiled and deported to Calabar from the Ancient Benin Kingdom when the Europeans came to Benin or should I say when they tried to take over and he was having none of it. That’s right, never mess with a Benin man, he will cut you up.

She is not afraid or reserved about the truth. I mean how many authors will you hear say, Nigeria’s history is fractured? Well, with the exception of Wole Soyinka and Chinua Achebe. Or tell you straight up that she is not interested in telling propaganda stories and does believe that it is the work of fiction to be objective.

But I think this is where I have the utmost level of respect for her. Reading her books, I have noticed she does not shy away from calling her characters some strong Igbo names, you know the type you pull yourself together before saying a word. Some sentences/lines are even written in Igbo. For me, that’s a woman who is proud of her heritage. For someone who started writing at such a young age and thought writing about white folks was the way but soon changed her mind after reading ‘Things Fall Apart’ by one of Nigeria’s best authors, Chinua Achebe. It is cool to write about Africans and tell African stories.

‘Purple Hibiscus’ was a very moving story on different levels, ‘Half Of A Yellow Sun’ was a multi-layered book full of history and ‘The Thing around Your Neck’ is a collection of short stories which again depict Nigeria and Nigerians at their best and at their worst. But the humour is great. Once again, Adichie reminds us every now and again about the place where her writing started, the university of Nsukka. It is a place that features in her work. I think that is what heritage does to you. When you know who you are and you are proud of your roots, then the stories that come out of you reflect that you know who you are better than the world who tries to define you with a few boxes asking if you are Black British or Black African.

I remember being at University and reading books by African-American authors but had a university acquaintance who read books by British and other European authors. I used to think I was missing out on something and that it was un-cool to read books by African and African-American authors. So, I went out and bought books by Diane Atkinson among others. Please, don’t get me wrong, she is a great author and I respect her for her body of work. That was my secret but not anymore because these days, most of the books I read are by African authors. I’m hungry for their books and I have promised myself that for the next two to three years, that’s all I am going to do. That’s not to say I won’t read books by writers from the West or from others parts of the world. On my books to read list are plays by Tennessee Williams, ‘A Street Car Named Desire’ is at the very top that list. In fact it is starring at me as I type away. Then there are some fine books by authors like Elizabeth Noble, 'Things I want My Daughters To Know,’ Elizabeth Gilbert has a new book coming in August and after ‘Eat, Pray Love,’ you must really hate reading to miss her books.

So, I’m not boxing myself up but I plan to immerse myself in African literature like never before because it is about time I read about my own people and gain a better knowledge of our stories; be it from North, South, West or Eats Africa. I have never read anything by Ngugi Wa Thiong’o but will do so for the first time later this year with ‘A Grain Of Wheat,’ to be followed-up next year with ‘Petals Of Blood.’

For the books, the good stories, the humility and the good sense of humour, thank you Miss Adichie and for being a proud Nigerian/African writer. Keep them rolling because we are going to keep reading them.

Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie's website

Image of Author by Beowulf Sheehan Photograpghy and it was taken from Google.

I'M NOT YOUR KOKOLETTE.

“You cannot write with your hands chained.” Helon Habila.

When I first heard about KOKO Mansion, I had to know what it was all about and why so many people thought it was a good laugh. Without a doubt, it is a good laugh. After all, our ability to laugh at ourselves served as a good source of comic relief during decades of brutal military rule. We called IBB Maradona for his ability to wiggle his way out of tight situations and he is still the butt of jokes for a number of comedians. Why the hell not? Today, it is fair to argue that we have become somewhat desensitized to a lot of bullsh*t that otherwise would not have been okay some decades ago. But guess what, we can still joke about it and we even have comedy nights dedicated to it, all in the name of not taking ourselves too seriously.

That's what happens when you have liberty. However, I wonder if our liberty is helping us because we seem to accept the unacceptable in the name of liberty and refuse to take action for the real liberty that we have a right to as Nigerians. We excuse a few things in the name of catching up with the West but its okay, we are developing. Don’t get me wrong, I respect the way we have moved up the ladder in a whole lot of things. I mean we have world class writers, winning The Orange Prize, The Caine Prize and others who are doing great things. We have a generation who is hungry for success and hustling to do whatever it takes to make it happen. Though it breaks your heart to see what some are doing but what choice have they got when there is no support network to make it happen.

Before I continue, you are more than welcome to call me an arm chair critic, I mean, Wole Soyinka gets it everyday but that has not stopped the creative spirit in him or his ability to be vocal. I believe he recently categorised democracy in Nigeria as lacking. Though not his exact words but the man still tells it like it is. Take it or leave it.

Back to the issue with KOKO Mansion, I am not a big fan of reality TV but I have given some thought to the whole idea and I am tempted to say… in fact, I’ll say this. It serves the purpose of keeping people entertained if this is your idea of entertainment. Second, it sure helps to keep the man in whose name it has been created on our minds, record sales and popularity soaring. And of course, the ratings for the channel on which it is been shown are going to go through the roof. It is going around the world and you have people in London talking about with the help of cable TV, what more could you ask for?

That said, what I can’t understand is the reason we think that getting a group of women into one house and creating an all ‘Female’ version of ‘Big Brother’ is a great idea that would revolutionise the way we view television in Nigeria.

Now let’s take a look at the name, KOKO Mansion and the ladies or should I say girls are called Kokolettes. Right there, they have been commodified and for the rest of their lives, there is a big possibility that they will remain commodities owned by the Nigerian media. Then you take a look at the prize the winner stands to take home and you are tempted to say, wow! Which for a lot of people is indeed wow? Otherwise, how else will they ever get such an opportunity to acquire the things on offer? But the biggest game prize on offer is EXPOSURE. Damn it, these girls are smart. And I might not like the show but I respect their savviness to recognise opportunity when they see it because they are taking it with both hands and milking it for all that it is. ‘Their mama born them well jare!’

Out of curiosity, I have become a fan on facebook and was reading through the different comments of other fans. Some have gone to great lengths to prove their point; others have become rather rude and obnoxious, which in my opinion is uncalled for. Let everybody express their views without suppressing it with yours. And some people have taken it rather personally but the comment which stood out and got my attention was one made by a lady who said, ‘If it was a white man behind this show, we Nigerians would say it is great and support it.’ That I am afraid is true to a certain degree. I’m afraid the mentality which dictates a white man might be better at something still persists in our society. If you don’t believe me, bid for a contract and let a white man also put in a bid and then wait and see who will get it. You all know I am not off the mark on that one. It has happened so many times that we are now used to it because we think, they will do it better. No disrespect intended at any race, just being honest and you know that’s how it is.

When I got to the fan page, I had a good look at the pictures and when I got to the album of the press briefing, felt really sick. It was all men sitting at the table answering questions. Talk about a bunch of f***ing chauvinistic a** holes…and then you take a look at the marketing images and that tells you what these a**holes think women are. (Pardon the Frenchies but that’s how the words flowing right now and my hands can’t be tied)

Then you move on to read the profiles of the contestants and you can see we have come to define success as being famous and the best way to get it is through notoriety or any which way possible. No matter how bad or the means involved. Reuben Abati was not off the mark after all with his article, ‘A Nation's Identity Crisis.’ Brother was on point because he said it all. You might not agree with him but the symptoms on display corroborate his point. And I have a strong feeling that people missed his point and that’s why they all got worked up about it.

Some of the contestants have said they came there for the exposure not the money. At least they are honest and three Kokolettes have made it clear that their ambition is to be in the entertainment industry and be media moguls but no one is as blunt as Kokolette Chioma. Chioma is described as a talented musician who has no time to disguise her motivation for participation on the show. “I’m here for the money, because when I get the money, I’ll be able to produce my songs, and the popularity will help too, because for you to succeed in the entertainment business, you need to be known,” she says. Hell she is right? Being a dumb a** won’t get you far.

Before we continue, take a look at kokolette Victoria, she has a lot of dreams and girl, keep dreaming because that’s a lifeline you have going for you already. But her dream includes running a successful travel agency, producing international standard movies, and owning a video-vixen agency. Let’s stop right there.

You and I know one of the most famous video-vixens the world of hip-hop has given to us to date is none other than… Karrine Steffans and that I would have to say ‘MBA’ better explained as HELL NO. That is not a dream but license to open a prostitution centre with scantily clad ladies as the ultimate prize. Why do you have to think taking your clothes off with the men fully clothed and then shaking your two cents booties and titties is the best way to make a living? Now I know it pays the bills and gets you noticed but you and I know full well, our parents had rather be dead before they see that happen. Well, some of them…All the same, that is no dream. We are better than that. Its her dream and I have no right to deny her but come on people, we are a society with cultures and traditions and a lady who smokes is still considered a prostitute in some cultures, let a lone one who decides to put her titties and booties on public display.

But this is what pained me the most, watching and listening to Kokolette Rita, who finds it very challenging to string a few sentences together. Her profile reads, “I came here because I want to get exposure, not necessarily because of the money, because if I represent myself well, the future will give me more money than the prize money.”

And it is because of Rita that I felt compelled to write this piece. It would be so easy to laugh at her inability to string a few sentences together after watching a video of her presentation. But then you read her profile and get to this, “I can prove myself as a woman because I know my left from my right.” You see, Rita’s ambition according to her profile was inspired by an emotionally daunting experience a few years ago, when she was sent packing from school for her parents inability to pay her school fees – as she remembers, her dad was broke, and the rich folks she knew berated her for being poor instead of helping her with the required sum to pay her school fees – that incident introduced her to how cold the world was to the poor. “It was after this incident that I swore to myself that I was going to succeed in life.” who wouldn’t make that vow when you have hot tears streaming down your face and you have been given a coat of shame you have no control over or the ability to shake off. But she is trying desperately to shake it off. She is and for that, I am tempted to say ‘Come on Rita, go on, give it your best shot’ though we all know, she stands little or no chance of winning but then again, never judge a book by its cover.

This reminds me of a new book by Chika Unigwe, ‘On Black Sisters' Street,’ where she takes a look at the lives of Nigerian prostitutes in Belgium. In an interview with BBC World Service, she talks about the fact that she was shocked to discover a large population of the prostitutes in Antwep, Belgium were Nigerians. That was back in 1995 and today is no shocking news.

Therefore I agree with her that the current state of things calls for the government to be indicted and I would like to add that they be should be indicted for treason. They have betrayed our trust and confidence for too long, taken away the future of our children and it’s about time someone starts to pay. Kokolette Rita should not have to struggle to speak good English. She should never have been thrown out of school. Nigeria is too wealthy a country to have young beautiful women like Rita who cannot speak Standard English and have no education. Yes, English is our second language but hell, we deserve better.

The word Kokokette is open to a varied number of interpretations and knowing my people, I bet you have young boys who think its now okay to call girls Kokolettes. Sorry, I’m not your Kokolette. To ensure I was not overacting or reading too much into this good comedy, I asked a few male friends what they thought of the whole show, by the way, they are Nigerians and way older than me. One thing was pertinent and for them, it was degrading to women. If the men are saying that, then I rest my case.

Culture and Etiquette

Why do some people think they are semi-gods? I cannot stand when you want something but don't just come out and ask but give me an excuse why you can't do it. It is annoying, self-serving and just very unattractive.

So, I go to a gathering and there are a few people having a nice chat here and there. You know... gathered in clusters and talking. I decided to help the lady who was clearing up as she was doing it on her own.

While clearing up and ensuring the food that was still good to be left out was set aside, this man comes up to me, I want chicken. Go ahead, help yourself. Do I look like a chicken giver?

But no, this joker proceeds to ask again, I want to take some chicken home. Okay, take the chicken and go home but hell no. He wants me to pack and wrap the chicken for him. So, I said to him again, help yourself.

Someone else I know comes and shares his foil paper with him, so he can use his hands and take his own chicken, but no. This man wants me to be the one to give him the chicken. See me see blessing, did my mum tell me when I was a child that I would one day come to London and pack chicken for you to take home?

But, there is a but and that is my ability to stay composed despite this jokers traditional views that women were made to serve him. You see, he didn't have to say it, his attitude and actions showed it clean and clear for all to see.

Makes me wonder, will certain people ever get rid of their cultural beliefs and start working with etiquette? Though its obvious some people don't seem to know the difference.

So, I used the white plate that was there and dumped some chicken on his foil paper. That was as far as I could go with showing I was not impressed. I continued with the clearing up. You know what they say, when you meet jokers in life, keep stepping.

Its over but I am glad I handled it well. At least, no scene was served up as drama and no one is going to say, I didn't know Belinda was like that. Sometimes, humility does come in handy. You just let people be people and they will show themselves for who and what they are. The guy who shared his foil paper with him said, I commend the way you helped us and just moved on. That says it all.

When times are scary

I just read an article which says over 1,000 journalists in the UK are on the dole. Got me nervous and it got me thinking? What else do you do when all you know is journalism and the thought of doing anything else scares you to death? You are nervous because you feel your first love slipping way or should I use the word dream, in order to make the point clear. For many and myself included, being a journalist is all we have dreamed of and known. To think that you will have to give it up for a day is scary. Even worse is doing what you are not passionate about...personaly, that kills you faster than being jobless.

How many emails are you going to send out with no response before you finally say, okay, what are my other career options? If this entry was for me alone, one could say, shut up and get on with it. But when it sinks in that there are hundreds of people in the same boat, it makes you think, what went wrong? Where are all the jobs? Yes, we were fully aware that it was a tough market but we were ready for that. That's why we did unpaid work for a number of years before we got a leg in the door.

Many say the birth of digital media has a part to play in it. Others claim it is the recession, job cuts and other woes that has every industry you can think of fighting for survival.

I don't know what to think right now to be honest. You wake up and you wonder the number of responses that you will get from the emails you send out. The ones that have networking as its subject to the ones that say, pls, can you help me? It is scary to wake up each day with uncertainty but what else is there to do but keep hoping. I was taught that hope never fails but for many, how long will they keep longing and hoping that things will change sooner than later?

I wish I had all the answers but I don't. In fact, I need some myself.

But hell, nothing will make me give up journalism. I love words way too much to stop writing.

Getting On With The Business Of LIfe

Dear Belinda,

I am writing to you this day because I am sick and tired of what you are doing to yourself. You are so much better than this and bigger than the situation. How dare you let one circumstance get to you so bad that you can longer think and fight the way you have always fought. How dare you forget that within you is the Amazonian strength you are known for? How dare you waste precious time on things that are not productive and then moan that you are lacking behind?

Belinda, I am writing to you on behalf of myself and I double dare you to stop sleeping, wake up, get on with the business of life and get on with the dream because no one is going to make it happen for you.

Please read the next lines below because I have thought deep and hard before I started writing and I know you will find the strength to look yourself in the mirror and admit that you need to wake up from that slumber and get working again.

Interests make you interesting and when you have no interest, you cannot be interesting. Develop some personal interest. A good lesson I learnt today from listening to TD Jakes.

You can develop interest if you find that you don't have any. Just take up a hobby dear. It will be good for you. The same way you develop an interest is the same way you should get on with the business of life.

The last three months have been challenging for me mentally because I found myself at the crossroad of life where I have had to do a lot of soul searching and ask myself a lot of questions. The questions that if others asked me, I would throw a feat and get all worked up, might not even speak to them again. But you know what? I had to ask those hard hitting questions because if I don't ask myself, who will ask me?

In less than a month's time, I will hit that number which makes you think, what have I done with my life and what am I going to do from this point onwards?

I have been telling people since January 2009 that I was 30 years old. In fact even before January for the very fact that I have been looking forward to 30. It is an achievement for me for a whole lot of reasons. The foremost thing being that I am here against medical odds, living, loving and kicking it. (Kicking it but not in that sense y’all)

I have been looking forward to 30 because I have a lot of things I want to do with my life. I have a career to forge, plays, poetry and books to write and stories to tell, get married, have children, build a home, support my husband and bless those around me. I want to reach out to my generation and a whole lot of people by doing the right things and helping others. I find joy in being there for someone and I am passionate about teenagers. I have a number of them as my babies.

However, in the last three months that I have been down in heart and spirit and feeling sorry for myself. I have not done as much as I should. So, I have been doing a lot of searching within me to find me again. So, I started asking the hard questions which I needed to ask.

Guess what the first question was, Belinda do you think you are lazy? My response... yes, I can be lazy sometimes...is that acceptable? No, not when I have a vision, a goal and a purpose to fulfil and dreams to make happen.

Belinda, do you procrastinate? Yes, I do sometimes and keep saying tomorrow when I can do what needs to be done right now. Belinda, is that acceptable? No, what are you going to do about it? I am going to start doing what I need to do and when I need to do them. Belinda promised herself that she was going to stop doing the wrong things at the right time and the right thing at the wrong time.

Am I allowing myself to become intoxicated with the wrong emotion? Yes, I have let myself get to that point where the negative emotions of my present circumstance get the better of me. I forgot about my previous achievements and my future plans and I got stuck in the moment that I didn't have or didn't get what I wanted.

I let myself get carried away by yawning and getting hungry for things which their season in my life is yet to come. You know they say, your memories can either make you or break you. I want my memories to make me and not break me.

It hasn’t all been bad…as I am quite hard on myself and so expect a lot from myself. I have been getting commissions and writing features, worked on a radio package, worked in a news room, made the finals of a bursary scheme though I didn’t get the bursary. Not because I was a bad interviewee, in fact I was a good interviewee and so they thought I did not need the bursary and others needed it more than I did.

I admit... it knocked me for six. I cried but in the words of my mentor, so, it didn’t happen the way you wanted it to, move on to the next task. Waking up with palpitations and killing myself for what, a bursary that I was not going to get, Belinda, you know better and your life trajectory is not based on a bursary.

I know I am worth more than meets the eye and I am valuable. So, I must sit and plan all over. And this takes me back to the questions I asked myself at the beginning of this entry. Am I lazy? I said sometimes and what am I going to do about that? Admitting it is the first step because what you don’t confront, you cannot deal with it.

Do I procrastinate? Yes and what do I plan to do about that from now on? Do what needs to be done and at the right time.

Do I plan on having fun? Oh, hell yes, I plan to do that and much more. If I am going to get on with the business of life, then I must balance it out.

So, how do I plan on getting on with the business of life? By strategising, planning and giving myself a defined direction. It isn’t that I never had that…I have always had a focus and a direction. I know what I want out of life and what I want to do with my life. However, I made plans for this season of my life around a few things and now that that is not the case, I need to re-plan and make life work for me. It is ever so true that there is a time and season for everything and life is indeed a cycle of seasons.

Belinda promises herself to be good, disciplined, and diligent and do her work. Belinda promises to send the emails which need to go out, call the people she needs to call, read the books she needs to read, write the features that won’t write themselves and above all, get back to the board with my creative writing and start writing again. I have started doing that I must be honest; I need to do more writing. My blogs need to be updated and I need to revisit my plan for a business of my own.

Here is to the business of getting on with life as it should be.

From Belinda to me, myself and I.

Regards

Belinda

How The Internet Controls Us Without Our Knowledge

Ever wondered how your day flies by with you sitting in one place?

Since the emergence of the World Wide Web, we have been able to do things from the comfort of our home without getting on the bus, train or a plane to achieve the same goal. You can do your home shopping while surfing the web. Listen to radio and at the same time update your blog page. The world is your oyster once you are in front of that screen.

But have you taken time recently to ask yourself, how productive you are at the end of each day. You see, you can be really busy without being productive and I can attest to that. It happened to me last week. Not funny at all.

While the internet is a really useful tool to have, there comes a time when you must shut it down and focus on the work at hand. If not, by the time you respond to your emails, check Facebook and the new pictures your friends loaded, update your Twitter page, the day is practically gone.

And if you are a news junkie like me, you will read the BBC, Guardian and other newspaper websites that you are interested in. Again, your time and day is gone. Not that any of these things are bad but you need to draw the line somewhere or you will be in for a big surprise at the end of the year when you take inventory of your achievement and realise, 365 was spent surfing one social networking website to the other.

The web is great for research, heaven knows, it has been very useful to me but even that, there comes a time when you have to call a time-out on it.

Honestly, it all comes down to you dedicating a specific time to each task you want to carry out on the web and keep to it. I have started using this technique, so far so good and I plan to use it some more.

The other day, I was at The Southbank and someone had sent in a question asking how writers can become more productive without becoming slaves to web? I was so happy he asked because I was looking for some answers. It was beginning to drive me nuts doing web surfing all in the name of research and little writing.

Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie simply said, its your internet connection, you pay for it, just switch the thing off.

Is It Ever Okay to Feel Lazy and Be Lazy?

So far, I have had a number of responses from friend. Some say yes and others not so sure.

Well, the aim is to keep this short. Last week was a rather lazy one for me. It is not a case whereby I didn't get anything done, it is the fact that I did not cross off half of my list like I had wanted to.

Trust me, I was well upset and ranting on about being so lazy this week. Even told the lady who owns the drycleaners where I take my clothes and she said, "We all have those days Belinda, when you body has had enough and decides... that's it. We are doing this my way. Since you don't know when to stop, I'll stop you."

You see, I never thought of that way, I knew I was tired and had aches and pains all over but it didn't all feel like tiredness. More the fact that I had slept a little longer than usual that morning and the end result when I do that is headache.

So, it got me thinking, is it ever okay to feel lazy and go with your feelings and what your body is dictating to you? Or do you ignore what you are feeling, what your body is saying and keep pushing the boundaries?

I mean, they do say in order to make it in life, you must work hard. Great idea, but how about working smart and taking some 'me time' out for yourself?

As for me, I need to listen to my body more and plan well ahead like before for each day and week. What I don't finish, I should be grateful for what I accomplish and carry the task over. But don't make a habit of it.

Act Like A Fool Though You Know You Are Not One.

There is something about placing value on yourself, what you stand for and who you are. Personally, I think it comes through in your work. When you appreciate yourself, you appreciate your work right? The two go together. When I meet people who appreciate their work and can in turn show appreciation for other people's work, I really respect them for that.

I have been learning a lot of lessons about being a journalist and working with others. I have met really good people and some... I have no words to describe them. For the simple reason that if I write down what's at the tip of my tongue right now... I might just loose respect for myself because that's not who I am and I refuse to become bitter or twisted due to the actions of others. I have come too far for that and hell, I refuse to be like them.

Not long ago, I pitched an idea I was passionate about. As far as I am concerned you have to be passionate about what you do. If not, why do it at all. Maybe that's one of the reason I refuse to take on jobs which I know will kill me faster than being jobless. I know myself, I will get depressed and that will kill my creative mind faster than the jokers who are trying to walk on my last nerve. But guess what? I made up my mind...'ain't gonna let them.' So, I am going to keep stepping, nothing like a spring in a sista's step.

Back to this idea...it was to do with Nollywood and Lollywood. I knew I had something going because up until then, even I didn't know much about Lollywod. When I pitched it...it worked and there we have it.

So, I got working on it. You know, I was very happy to work on this...I believe what you are passionate about you will do even if you don't get paid for it. Now don't get me wrong...I am not saying keep working and don't get paid. NO! Don't do that if you are not on work experience. What am I saying? Let your passion be your driving force and not money. Why, your passion will make money for you. Money can never make your passion work. Your passion is the fuel for your daily existence.

That aside and back to this idea, I worked on it despite one or two dramas but I always keep something my father taught me at the forefront of my mind when I am doing anything different and have to work with people. 'When you get to a place for the first time, 'Act like a fool and learn all you can even if you already know it. Learn it again. Act a fool, keep your eyes open and study the environment. Know who is who and who does what. Act a fool and watch out for who you need to say hi and bye to. Act a fool and make your life and time work. Act a fool, so that tomorrow, you know who you can trust until they decide otherwise and you must move on. Act a fool though you know you are not a fool.' So on point!

So, I did just that because I wanted to learn about this environment and learn how it works.

I worked on this idea, which was to be a package for a radio programme. This was the third time I was working on a radio package and the first that will be broadcast. I admit that it took some time. I was working to a different audience and programme. Different to what I have done before as far as radio was concerned.

I was happy to learn through the process, that's one thing I have learnt in life. You are always a student when you have a vision and focus about what you want out of life.

So, it finally finished though I had to sit with one of the producers of the show to finish it off and she was of great help. That I appreciate as I learnt a lot from her.

Now, I remember at the end of scripting the whole package as I sat there with her, there was a sentence which stated this report was compiled by Belinda Otas. I was not paid to work on this. It was my idea and I remember the senior editor had asked; are you happy for us to use your idea? Yes I was. I also asked him about the role I would play and he gave a few. So, I told him, I would think about it, sent him an email that I would like to research and set-up the interviews and let one of their producers edit as they use a different system to what I normally know use.

However, another producer was so kind to show me the ropes and some shortcuts. Please, don't get me wrong, I know every one is busy and I appreciate the input and time from those who gave me a hand or two and the studio manager who also gave me hand.

At the end, I knew a thing or two about SADIE, the editing system they use. I had learnt within a few days to use an editing software I had only ever heard of.
I am not one for mentioning names but there were two gentlemen who were good to me and I appreciate that.

It was over and done with and everyone talked about the fact that it was good. However and as with all things, change is inevitable. Something had come up and they moved the broadcast date forward. I got a call about it, was even asked a question or two. Heard the new cue and I have to say, it sounded okay with one or two exceptions. Which I pointed out and even sent an email, to clarify.

Anyhow, listened to it last night, the meaning in my ears had changed. Yes, the clips I had cut were still there...the people I interviewed and a few new clips added which I knew nothing about.

I know change is inevitable but this is it. The Entertainment Company that supplied a few movie clips was acknowledged. It would have been nice for someone to acknowledge my work too considering it had been written into the script in the first instance and I saw it. I spent almost four weeks working on this package. Money was never an issue for me but my time is precious and I appreciate when that is appreciated.

I am not asking for a pat on the back, I am not asking for plaudits or accolades. Just some acknowledgement of my time would have been good and fair enough. I have also learnt my lesson, next time raise the subject even if no one does.

Yes, these things happen and we have to deal with tem. But I also know I won't do anyone any good by pretending to be less than I am. I worked on this project and that to me deserved a mention. If you had it at the end of the script we had worked on together, why did you decide to take it out and make the work seem like it was conceived by another and done by another?

All the same, I refuse to be bitter, such is life and I am better than that. I will go on and keep doing what love doing. What’s really ironic is the fact that this has happened twice in a row. The first being a feature I wrote on similar subject and now the radio package but hey, it’s all good. Act a fool though you know you are not one.

While it sounds contradictory, I am grateful for the fact that working on this project means someone knows my work and what I am capable off. It has opened other doors for me. And no one can ever take that way from me.

The Power Of Your Mind. Part 1

How do you feel about your present situation? I can tell you that I don't like a thing or two about life right now but I am so grateful to be alive. Grateful because I have another chance to change what I don't like. There are different elements that bring change into being but the most powerful ingredient to making it happen is the fact that you must make up your mind. This cannot go on. Not on my watch.

Now I sound like some motivational speaker right? Well excuse me but the last time I checked if you don't motivate yourself to making your life happen, I got news for you, no one will. You have to make those decisions even if no one agrees with them.

I am sure you know realise the power of your own mind. The power to make your life what you want it to be is in your hands. The power to draw that canvass you came up with as a child about the picture of your life is in your hands and it starts in your mind.

The only thing that will change the situation you are in is you changing your mind about it. If you decide, that's it; I don't want to so this anymore...it starts with you making up your mind to give it up.

An addiction, a relationship, change of career, going back to studies...it all starts with you making up your mind.

Your life’s trajectory is determined by the power of your mind. The pictures and stories you tell yourself about your life.

I am going to stop preaching at you but I want you to know I didn't write this because I wanted to tell you about changing your mind. I wrote it because I have just changed my mind. I have said it out loud, mediocrity is not an option. I changed my mind. My life is worth more than average. I refuse to be lukewarm but I chose to get up and get on with life.

Knowing that whatever comes my way, I have the most powerful deposit of creativity in the world... My Mind to make life the best it can be.

Telling My Own Truth

It is always scary to expose yourself through your words because you don't want people to form an opinion before they meet you or hear you talk. However, as a writer, you are your words and your words are you.

A few weeks ago, I told someone my age and she almost fell over because she could not believe the teenager she was starring at or at least the young lady she thought was in her early twenties was way past her teens and twenties.

I didn't take any offence because if I did, I would have fought with every bus driver who asked me to pay child fare when I first came to the UK. I must be honest and let you know that I did pay the child fare they asked and saved a few pennies...don't look at me like that. You know if you were in my shoes you would do the same.

So, what's telling my own truth? Telling my own truth is the fact that I was confronted with that friend known as the green eyed monster this week. You know when you hear good news about others and you are in desperate need for the same news. Luckily this good news is not yours.

I tried real hard to be happy for her. I showed interest, asked questions and went through the motions. But when I looked at myself, I knew I had wished that was me. Am I being too hard on myself? No. You see, I was brought up to always be happy for others because you will have others celebrate with you.

I have also been taught that it is sometimes hard to be cheerful at someone else's good news when you are in desperate need of one. It was just so hard to reconcile these truths this week.

I was really angry at myself because I know I am better than that. I know I am on a different journey and path in life. So, why was I feeling this way about a good thing? Why did I feel the need to make an effort to celebrate in another person’s good news?

This isn't me. I am Belinda Otas, the lady that was raised with nothing and has learnt to make it happen for herself. I must say I didn't do it all on my own. I have always had people to help me.

Why did I react and not respond? That is what I have been taught to do, be matured. Why did I act like a spoilt little child?

I could go on and on and might not even arrive at a good enough response.

When I got home, I sat down and asked myself, why did I do that? What was behind my action? I had to say to myself, this is what telling my own truth is about.

When I face myself with no one else around and tell me, myself and I that I messed up. That I know better and should do better. But I must also tell myself that I am a human being and these feelings are all part of growing up and I should never be afraid of exploring what I feel as long as I don't let it control me.

Telling my own truth is about confronting my weaknesses and digging deep at the root of anything that could come back and haunt me in the future. Telling my own truth is not being afraid to admit my flaws while embracing my strengths.

I know am good at what I do and I don't say that out of arrogance but from the very fact that I have worked hard to get here and I am going to keep going.

(I must come back and explore this)

I SHOULDA, I COULDA, I WOULDA.

The times and seasons of life have a way of making you take a deep look at yourself. You have no choice but to strip naked and when its you, yourself and you, and in my case; me, myself and I before the mirror... you have to ask, am I doing what I promised myself as a little girl/boy? (For the record, keep your mind in check and don’t see naked people.)

The Morning of life is your time to make the decisions that will stand you in good stead for the future. And when you look back in the evening of your life… you can say… I planned in the morning, made it happen in the afternoon and in the evening; I reaped the rewards of my labour.

Two weeks ago, I had to walk away from something that was mine. It had my stamp all over it but I had to let it go. Was it easy? NO. But there will come a time when you have to walk away from things, people and even family if you are going to get to your Israel. Now, don't get it all twisted, if you are married, stay married. If you are having issues with your family, sit down and find a way out with them. Don't get lazy or come up with excuses and take the easy way out. When I say walk away, I mean if they are standing between you and that place we all call destiny. When I say walk away, I mean the things that want to hinder you. Bottom-line, I mean obstacles. Copy!

Good, now let’s get back to the business of shoulda, coulda, woulda!

It is so much easier to make excuses and avoid taking responsibility but you have to do it. If not, you are going to end up saying; I SHOULDA, I COULDA AND I WOULDA.

It has been a while since I spent time thinking about certain things I have always wanted to do. You get carried away with what you are doing right now and you continuously put back what you wrote down 5 years ago as part of your five-year plan.

Yes, there are times when you have to put a few things on hold in order to achieve others. It is always tricky to know which one to place on hold. The question is how long you can put them on the shelf? You could easily say, well… if you are really passionate about that goal or vision you won’t put it on hold.

Of course, that is a valid point but there are times and seasons in life and you have to know the season of life you are in…to enable you know what your next move should be about.

Don’t we all wish we could do the things we dream about without the obstacles? One thing is certain; don’t ever negotiate yourself out of your dream. That will kill you faster than being jobless.

I personally think it is wrong to allow your current job take over your life. It is your current means of income but not your entire future.

This is where I ask the question I woke up with this morning, how do you begin to negotiate with life and all your commitments in order not to lose sight of your passions?

I would hate to wake up in the evening of my life and say these words; I SHOULD, I COULDA AND I WOULDA!

Does Africa have a Right To Be Angry?

At the recent International Monetary Fund (IMF) conference in Dar es Salaam, Tanzania, Kofi Annan, the former UN Secretary General said Africa had a right to be angry. Angry because Africa was not responsible for the financial crisis but will suffer greatly because of it.

Call me naive but I really agree with what people have been saying for a long time. Africa needs trade and not aid. When the protectionism, selfish and sick trade embargos Europe and other continents have in place is taken off and African countries can trade on the world stage the same way their Western counterparts do, then I think we can begin to hope that we are on the right path to rebuilding the richest continent in the world.

While I agree with Annan's comments to a certain degree, I also differ with him, for the simple reason that for so long Africa has become a little child always waiting on mum to come home and make dinner. We are dependant on aid despite being a great continent with rich natural resources and a whole ton of them are yet to be discovered. Yet, Africa is inhabited by some of the poorest people in the world. We have intelligent people and people who are not lazy; they are willing to work to earn their living. Africans didn't always see the need for corruption or becoming fraudulent in order to get ahead. No, we are raised to work the land in order to eat. I say that boldly because that's how I was raised. Yes, this girl knows how to work on the farm, plant yam, cassava and other crops and oh hell yes, I know how to harvest them too.

However, we have a system that has raised leaders with the mindset of me, myself and I. They care about themselves more than they do the people they are leading. Our politics have become ethnicised and religionised (don't search for the meaning, flow with me) that we kill people who speak a different language and believe in a different god to us though they are our neighbours, shame on us.

Our dependence on aid has played a great role in keeping us perpetually poor. Now before you get your gun out and aim at me with the intention of taking me out for life. Just hear me out. I agree that humanitarian aid should continue. I agree that people have benefited from charitable aid. I don't dispute that. They have helped a lot of people more than some governments have. The aid that must stop is the one which goes directly to the governments. I don't care the clause with which they are handed over, it never seems to work. Necessity is the mother of all inventions and while that is a great cliché, man will always find his way around a challenge. It takes pen and paper to make it happen.

'Systemic Aid' needs to stop and while it will be hard, there is a big chance it might also work. When you have nothing to depend on like many families in Africa have nothing to depend on, they become inventors and find a way to survive. Humanitarian aid should continue but governments must clean their act and learn to make it happen for their people. They must negotiate betters deals and stop settling for less. They think of the now but not the future of the unborn children the nation is yet to deliver. They also need to speak up and the world must listen. It is a low down dirty shame that South Africa is the only African nation at the forth coming G20.

Years of bad governance and of course continuous interference by those little boys in uniform who think a gun empowers them to lead a nation. I mean the military jokers who have taken nations to the drycleaners and cleaned them out financially. Nigeria being the best example I can give. And before you say she is so rude. I was born and raised in Nigeria, lived under military rule for the 16 years I was there. So, I know what I am talking about. Copy!

So, where were we? Yes, aid and not trade...the passage to trade freely must be opened up to African nations. The West needs to realise that buying the goods they feel benefit them is not enough. Let Africa trade with you in all areas, the same way you send your goods to Africa with little or no restrictions from African governments.

And this takes me back to the comment of Mr Annan. I agree that Africa has a right to be angry because it is not responsible for the financial crisis but is beginning to suffer for it. However, I also disagree with him for the simple fact that African nations have had their chance to build some of the world's richest economies and they have never risen to the occasion. Rather, they have squandered the wealth of future generations on projects that don't exist. We have borrowed the future of our children over and over and paying back debts that will take generations to clear up. We don't know what it means to save for the rainy day anymore despite the fact that we have one of the most well established traditional means of saving. I am sure you remember your grandmother's clay pot where she keeps her money. But fast forward with me to the 21st century, we have not maximised our opportunities to build our economies and the markets we created.

It would be so easy to argue that the West most likely likes Africa the way it is. Helps to keep it as the Dark Continent but how long are we going to use that argument to make us feel better about our situation?

My anger level is beginning to rise, an indication I need to wrap this up. We cannot afford to get angry. We need to get active and even better take pro-active steps in this economic crisis and search deep to rebuild.

No doubt a lot of healing is needed but we need to get past the blame game and start thinking...and the world should be BUILING, BUILDING and BUILDING. Building Africa and building our economy.

Our governments need to wake up and rise to the August occasion of serving the people. Democracy is after all, government of the people, by the people and for the people.

We need good leaders at the top, we need smart and savvy economists who know their game and can play well. We need people who care about the people.

The AU needs to wake up and stop electing comedians (no names please!) as their leaders...makes all of them look like a bunch of jokers. SADC needs to keep doing what its doing and even better. ECOWAS, sometimes I wonder if it still exists needs to be active again. We all need to pull ourselves by our bootstrap and stop playing the blame game and wishful thinking won’t cut it.

There is always something to be gained in a bad situation, they key is to look for it and I an bold enough to say, if Africa will look deep, there is a big chance, this current economic crisis is what it might just need to get its bounce back. So, let’s not get angry. Let’s get working and let the world see that we are capable of building our continent. I double dare you Africa.

'Everybody knows it doesn't work'

The Journey 3 - My Name Is More Than A Byline. It Is My Signature.

I did say this year was about the journey. Everyday, I am learning new things: the good, the bad and the ugly. And in the world of journalism, I have learnt, people can really screw things up but you must never take it personally. Some people... their job is for you to make them look good but you must realise... you are a voice and not a noise maker. You must learn to raise your head and speak up. I don't care if you have an accent or not, don't ever let anyone make you get to the point where you can no longer speak. Even when they say or do things you don't appreciate, you don't need to raise your voice. All you need do is let them know, I appreciate what you have said but there is where I stand.

I remember getting the commission, doing the research. It was so much fun. I loved a very minute of minute. With every interview, my adrenalin was pumping because I was so close to getting this feature piece that seemed impossible yesterday. I had been connected to the key players.

Most of them based in the US, and as you know our time difference is huge. For three days in a row I had to stay back at work in order to get my interviews. I loved the process without a doubt.

It was great. This is why I studied to be a journalist, went on work experience and wrote for free just to build my portfolio. I was finally doing what my A’ levels teacher had said was not my reality.

You see, I was born in Nigeria, came to the UK at the age of 16 and believe me… I had and still have my Nigerian accent. Back then, it was thick. Let me tell you the part that I love the most. I am a very proud Benin Girl, I am Nigerian and I don’t care about the ideas or theories anyone has about Nigerians. Maybe this teacher thought…she is an African girl, with an accent and wants to be a writer. So, when I wrote the essay of what I wanted to do with my life... to become a writer. Her feedback on my essay paper was, ‘Is This Realistic?’

I wish she could see me now because she was wrong. I am writer and very soon you will hear from me Miss T. I am proud of my heritage and if you can’t deal with it, please take your leave and keep stepping. I can do all bad by myself.

Back to this feature... it was a piece about Nollywood. The brief was to examine the impact of Nollywod on the West African film industry. It was for an international magazine, owned by a brand name, one that prides itself on accuracy among many other virtues. And those virtues are still at the core of the brand.

So, I wrote the feature...one of the best I have ever written to be honest and I totally enjoyed it. I wrote it in less than 3 hours. Only to be screwed over. But I am not going to let it get to me.

It was decided by the team to add a line about an actress, a so called Nollywood actress who only flaunts her assets...breasts to be precise. Reason is that she embodies the brash and in your face and powerful part of Nollywood. Bulls**t.! A line I didn’t write someone I didn’t interview but that one line and image comes in and takes over the work. I made it known that she silenced everyone else. My piont was srictly on the grounds of editorial intergrity and value. Nothing else.

Besides, she is not a big figure in Nollywood and rarely gets roles these days. The best she has managed so far is a role in a music video. That for me and the decision to use her image totally overshadowed and silenced the voice of everyone else I interviewed. And to think that these people know their craft and she is famous for her breast, editorially, it defeats the purpose for which I was commissioned to do it. I stated my case that I was not comfortable with the image. To me, it took the whole feature. Besides… editorially, I had rather have respect than create sensation with a woman’s twin girls on display.

I spoke to my mentor, who happens to be a senior editor at work and her exact words were stick to your guns when I explained why I was not happy with what had been done.
So, a few emails went back and forth...finally a meeting. It was a funny meeting because I had three of them and just one of me. Told them I was not happy or comfortable with the image and the line based on the reason I stated above. It overshadows and silences all my interviewees. To me, it also defeats the brief and purpose of the feature. So, we danced around the matter...I was even asked if it degraded me and why I didn’t want to be associated with the actress. I have to say I didn’t find the image offensive. However, using an image like that says a lot about what you think of your audience. I remember saying it is not about it degrading me. It is my editorial integrity and value that matters to me and this is my work. If this was part of the brief from day one, then I have nothing to complain about.

I must say I understand what they wanted to achieve...create a good splash that would get huge responses. That’s what magazines want right? We all know that but there are different ways of doing that. And when it is another person’s work that a lot of their time and effort has gone into, you don’t have the right to do that as far as I am concerned. Not being naïve, I also know there are editors who do it. It is a tough world where people use their power to rub others but such is life. I must also state, not all magazines do this. So please, keep buying your mags...some of them have great content.

The meeting was a dance around and at one point, the editor asked, what if I decide to take your name off it and put our names? Maybe he thought that would scare me and make afraid and say okay. But you see, I am not an impressionable 25yr old nor am I some 28yr old who has no knowledge of herself. So, I told him to go ahead and do that. The others then said that would be unfair. One of them also said I had double standards because I didn’t have an issue with the picture of a man with a gun in the same feature.

For the record, guns are part of the culture in Nollywood and all over. You see it on the site of this well known news organisation but a woman with her knockers; you can count the number you will ever come across on the same site. And in Nollywood, it is frowned upon. I know of actresses who have been told off for dressing in certain manner. However, that’s not what this is about. It is about my work, my time and something I am not comfortable with. It is also a tough world.

So, double standards, we all have them was my response to him. That ought to have shut him up. We take different views to different things…after all one man’s meat is another man’s poison. That man with a gun didn’t take over my work.

To round this off, I went off and thought about it. Contacted my mentor again because I am sure that would have resulted in another meeting but in life, you have to learn to stand on your own and make life work for you.

So, I sent them an email, take my name off it. The content of my email was that I was very happy with the process of getting the feature to them and would do it again. But to avoid defeating what they wanted to achieve, take my name off it.
It made the process easy for the editor because he can hold his hand up and say she decided...but remember he also said to me, what if I decide to take your name off it and put ours on it? It was already decided. Nothing I said was going to change it as it was made clear. 'We are editors, we have to broaden a feature to make it...' oh hell yes, broaden they did.

Sounds like a bad decision to take my name off it but a journalist has the right to say take my name off something you are not comfortable with. It was a good experience. Learnt a good lesson, my name is my signature and I have a write to decide what it goes on and does not associate with.

I always thought it was the job of the Sun and Daily Mirror newspapers with the famous page 3 to show scantily clad women in order to achieve its aim. I didn’t know a magazine under the brand name of the (B**-We are smart people, we can figure this out) needed that also and had to resort to showing a woman with her knockers drooping down to achieve it. It was an interesting discovery.

A good experience for the future I must say. Who knows what’s around the corner?

Finally, "What you are willing to walk away from determines...(one of my favourtite quotes in the world)

My name is more than a byline. It is my signature.

I didn't come to take sides, I came to take over!

I didn't come to take sides, I came to take over. I sound like an angry woman right?

No, I am not angry. I am fully aware of who I am and whose I am. I am also aware of my heritage and the journey I have been on. I celebrate myself and every African out there making it happen. I celebrate our journey, our struggles, our achievements and our future and I celebrate our men and women. I weep for the heinous crimes committed against us but my tears for the crimes we have committed against each other is much more that those perpetrated against us.

Living in the Diaspora gives you great opportunities and you must seize them as they come. Living in the Diaspora opens your eyes to a great deal of injustice but that must never stop you from becoming what you want to be. You have to keep going and encourage yourself. To be honest, living in the Diaspora is a great gift because you really get to see the world, people and have a rich mixture of experiences.

It would be so much easier to give up and say I tried. But it is more rewarding to keep going no matter how hard it gets and make your voice heard. Someone needs to hear you loud and clear and then they will know that you are serious about business. There is a saying in Nigeria, “Who no know go know.”

I have been fortunate to work in highly prestigious news environment lately. As an African I have worked on building my knowledge and understanding of the motherland while in this organisation. It has been a steep learning curve and I have learnt some lessons the hard way but who hasn’t?

I have learnt to speak up and be heard. I should never have to bow my head and I must put my stamp on my work. You have to define who you are in a large room full of people or someone will be very happy to that for you.

But what has really got my taste buds going is the very lesson that just because you are desperate does not mean you must settle for less than you know you re worth. You must say to yourself, I didn’t come to take sides…I came to take over.

That is the mental strength you need if you are going to get to that place you envisioned years ago. It does not mater what others around you are doing. What maters is that you know where you are going and you stay on your life’s course.

The Journey - 1

We are in 2009 and I am sure we all have plans for the year. Things we want to do and all that we would like to achieve. Without a doubt, we should be on the move. As for me, I'm looking back at my journey and smiling because I am finally at that place where I know it will all work out fine. Not just fine but great because I have a great destiny and a big job to do.

I wish I could say all I want to in one go but I am going to spread it out. For now I will give a teaser.

A friend asked me not long ago if my new job was my dream job?

I remember saying to her...I'm taking steps and actions to make it my dream job.

I personally feel your dream job is one that offers a lot of things including financial security and fulfillment.

However, with the rapid change going on around us... that might be a challenge for some.

Besides, your dream job is when you own the business you have always wanted and make all the decisions you have always wanted. Feel free to disagree but there is a big chance that that are a varied number of definitions to what your dream job is.

Waking up at 4:30am to start at 6am might not be your dream job but that's what I have had to do recently to get one step up and learn what I need to learn.

Looks like I was ahead of my time. Today, my steps and actions paid off. Not in a million years did I dream of this but here we are.

My 2009 is going to be great and my journey to success in life is going to be awesome.

Who would have thought that a feature written by me would make it to the BBC International news page let alone be on the Africa homepage.

Breathing life into Niger Delta clinics

Mental Strenghth For Each Day

What's this about? Just what it says, Mental Strength For Each Day.

Lately, a few people have been trying it on and I mean really trying it on.

I keep thinking, is it me? Is there something I am doing to attract such attitudes and behaviour pattern from others? I keep checking myself to ensure it is not something that I have done.

Personally, I don't like dramas. I used to be a drama queen but I'm all grown up now. I have way too much to get on with in life that I don't have the energy for drama.

This week, it has been left, right and centre but I made up my mind, these little issues are not goingt to get me to bow my head. Oh hell no. I refer to them as little because that's what they are. When you magnify things, they become bigger than they are supposed to be. So, I am learning not to do that any more.

My friend, bless her heart, said: "B, you have got to pray for mental strength to deal with these things."

Funny, she said that because we went to school together. I have known her for the last 16 years and she knows me. I didn't always speak with my mouth. My hands did the talking. Don't go funny on me, we all do silly things.

But all that has since changed. I am wiser now and loving who I am today. I am a woman and what a fine young lady I have turned into. I say that boldly because that's who I am.

She was right. I have to pray for mental strength to deal with certain issues as they arise. People will always be who and what they are but I don't have to conform to what they want me to be.

The key is mental strength to know who I am and stay unperturbed no matter what others do.

Image: Google